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rst wrought iron； ready to bend to any pressure。 Four inches of thumb…thick arrow stuck out almost atop his last rib； rising from a puckered gash thick with dried blood。 They pushed his head down on a pillow； for some reason not wanting him to look at it。 Faile washed the wound while Ila prepared her salve with a stone mortar and pestle … plain smooth gray stone； the first things he had seen in the Tinker camp that were not brightly colored。 They mounded the salve around the arrow and wrapped him with bandages to hold it。
〃Raen and I will sleep beneath the wagon tonight；〃 the Tuatha'an woman said at last； wiping her hands。 Frowning at the arrow stub sticking up from his bandages； she shook her head。 〃Once I thought he might eventually find the Way of the Leaf。 He was a gentle boy； I think。〃
〃The Way of the Leaf is not for everyone；〃 Faile said gently； but Ila shook her head again。
〃It is for everyone；〃 she replied just as gently； and a touch sadly； 〃if they only knew it。〃
She left then； and Faile sat on the edge of the bed blotting his face with a folded cloth。 He seemed to be sweating a great deal for some reason。
〃I blundered；〃 he said after a time。 〃No； that is too soft。 I don't know the right word。〃
〃You did not blunder；〃 she said firmly。 〃You did what seemed fitting at the time。 It was fitting； I cannot imagine how they got behind us。 Gaul is not one to make a mistake about where his enemies are。 Ihvon was right； Perrin。 Anyone can find circumstances that have changed when he did not know。 You held everyone together。 You brought us out。〃
He shook his head hard and made his side hurt worse。 〃Ihvon brought us out。 What I did was get twenty…seven men killed；〃 he said bitterly； trying to sit up to face her。 〃Some of them were my friends； Faile。 And I got them killed。〃
Faile threw her weight on his shoulders to push him back down。 It was a measure of his weakness； how easily she held him。 〃There will be time enough for that in the morning；〃 she said firmly； peering down into his face； 〃when we have to put you back on your horse。 Ihvon did not bring us out； I do not think he cared particularly if anyone but you and he did get out。 Those men would have scattered in every direction if not for you； and then we'd all have been hunted down。 They would not have held together for Ihvon； a stranger。 As for your friends …〃 Sighing； she sat back down again。 〃Perrin； my father says a general can take care of the living or weep for the dead； but he cannot do both。〃
〃I am not a general； Faile。 I am a fool of a blacksmith who thought he could use other people to help him get justice； or maybe revenge。 I still want it； but I don't want to use anyone else for it any longer。〃
〃Do you think the Trollocs will go away because you decide your motives are not pure enough？〃 The heat in her voice made him raise his head； but she pushed it back to the pillow almost roughly。 〃Are they any less vile？ Do you need a purer reason to fight them than what they are？ Another thing my father says。 The worst sin a general can mit； worse than blundering； worse than losing； worse than anything； is to desert the men who depend on him。〃
A tap came at the door； and a slender； handsome young Tinker in a red…and…green striped coat put his head in。 He flashed a smile at Faile； all white teeth and oozing charm； before looking at Perrin。 〃Grandfather said it was you。 I thought this was where Egwene said she came from。〃 He frowned suddenly； disapprovingly。 〃Your eyes。 I see you have followed Elyas after all； to run with the wolves。 I was sure you would never find the Way of the Leaf。〃
Perrin knew him； Aram； Raen and Ila's grandson。 He did not like him； he smiled like Wil 〃Go away； Aram。 I am tired。〃
〃Is Egwene with you？〃
〃Egwene's Aes Sedai now； Aram；〃 he growled； 〃and she would rip your heart out with the One Power if you asked her to dance。 Go away！〃
Aram blinked； and hastily shut the door。 With himself outside。
Perrin let his head fall back。 〃He smiles too much；〃 he muttered。 〃I cannot abide a man who smiles too much。〃 Faile made a choking noise； and he looked at her suspiciously。 She was biting her underlip。
〃I have something in my throat；〃 she said in a strangled voice； getting up hastily。 She hurried to the wide shelf below the foot of the bed where Ila had prepared her poultice and stood with her back to him； pouring water from a green…and…red pitcher into a blue…and…yellow mug。 〃Would you like something to drink； too？ Ila left this powder； for the pain。 It will help you sleep。〃
〃I don't want any powder；〃 he said。 〃Faile； who is your father？〃
Her back went very stiff。 After a moment she turned with the mug in both hands and an unreadable look in her tilted eyes。 Another minute passed before she said； 〃My father is Davram of House Bashere； Lord of Bashere； Tyr and Sidona； Guardian of the Blightborder； Defender of the Heartland； Marshal…General to Queen Tenobia of Saldaea。 And her uncle。〃
〃Light！ What was all that about him being a wood merchant； or a fur dealer？ I seem to remember him dealing in ice peppers once； too。〃
〃It was not a lie；〃 she said sharply； then in a weaker voice； 〃Just not。。。 the whole truth。 My father's estates do produce lumber and fine woods； and ice peppers； and furs； and more besides。 And his stewards sell them for him； so he does trade in them。 In a way。〃
〃Why couldn't you just tell me？ Hiding things。 Lying。 You're a lady！〃 He frowned at her accusingly。 He had not expected this。 A small merchant for a father； a former soldier； maybe； but not this。 〃Light； what are you doing running around as a Hunter of the Horn？ Don't tell me the Lord of Bashere and all that just sent you off to find adventure。〃
Still holding the cup； she came back to sit beside him。 For some reason she seemed very intent on his face。 〃My two older brothers died； Perrin； one fighting Trollocs； the other in a fall from his horse hunting。 That made me the eldest； and it meant I had to study account books and trading。 While my younger brothers learned to be soldiers； while they were being readied for adventures； I had to learn how to manage the estates！ It is the eldest's duty。 Duty！ It is dull； dry and boring。 Buried in paper and clerks。
〃When Father took Maedin with him to the Blightborder … he's two years younger than I … that was more than I could stand。 Girls are not taught the sword； or war； in Saldaea； but father had named an old soldier from his first mand as my footman； and Eran was always more than happy to teach me to use knives and fight with my hands。 I think it amused him。 In any case； when Father took Maedin with him； the news had arrived calling the Great Hunt of the Horn； so I。。。 left。 I wrote Mother a letter explaining； and I。。。 left。 And I reached Illian in time to take the oath of a Hunter。。。〃 Picking up the cloth； she patted at the sweat on his face again。 〃You really should sleep if you can。〃
〃I suppose you are the Lady Bashere or some such？〃 he said。 〃How did you ever e to like a mon blacksmith？〃
〃The word is 'love；' Perrin Aybara。〃 The firmness of her voice was at sharp odds with the gentle way that the cloth moved on his face。 〃And you are not such a mon blacksmith； I think。〃 The cloth paused。 〃Perrin； what did that fellow mean about running with wolves？ Raen mentioned this Elyas； too。〃
For a moment he was frozen； unbreathing。 Yet he had just berated her for keeping secrets from him。 It was what he got for being hasty and angry。 Swing a hammer in haste； and you usually hit your own thumb。 He exhaled slowly； and told her。 How he had met Elyas Machera and learned he could talk to wolves。 How his eyes had changed color； grown sharper； and his hearing and his sense of smell； like a wolf's。 About the wolf dream。 About what would happen to him； if he ever lost his hold on humanity。 〃It's so easy。 Sometimes； especially in the dream； I forget I'm a man； not a wolf。 If one of these times I don't remember quickly enough； if I lose hold； I'll be a wolf。 In my head； at least。 A sort of half…wrong image of a wolf。 There won't be anything of me left。〃 He stopped； waiting for her to flinch； to move away。
〃If your ears are really that sharp；〃 she said calmly； 〃I will have to watch what I say close to you。〃
He caught her hand to stop her patting。 〃Did you hear anything I said？ What will your father and mother think； Faile？ A half…wolf blacksmith。 You're a lady！ Light！〃
〃I heard every word。 Father will approve。 He has always said our family blood is growing too soft； not like it was in the old days。 I know he thinks I am terribly soft。〃 She gave him a smile fierce enough for any wolf。 〃Of course； Mother always wanted me to marry a king who splits Trollocs in two with one stroke of his sword。 I suppose your axe will suffice； but could you tell her you are the king of the wolves？ I don't think anyone will e forward to dispute your claim to that throne。 In truth； the splitting of Trollocs will probably do for Mother； but I truly think she would like the other。〃
〃Light！〃 he said hoarsely。 She sounded almost serious。 No； she did sound serious。 If she was even half serious； he was not sure the Trollocs might not be better than meeting her parents。
〃Here；〃 she said； holding the mug of water to his lips。 〃You sound as though your throat is dry。〃
Swallowing； he spluttered at the bitter taste。 She had stirred in Ila's powder！ He tried to stop； but she filled his mouth； and it was a matter of swallow or choke。 By the time he could push the mug away； she had emptied half of it into him。 Why did medicine always taste so vile？ He suspected women did it on purpose。 He would have bet that whatever they took for themselves did not taste that way。 〃I told you I did not want any of that。 Gaaah！〃
〃Did you？ I must not have heard。 But whether you did or not； you need sleep。〃 She stroked his curly hair。 〃Sleep； my Perrin。〃
He tried to tell her he had indeed told her so； and she had heard it； but the words seemed to tangle around his tongue。 His eyes wanted to slide shut。 In fact； he could not keep them open。 The last thing he heard was her soft murmurs。
〃Sleep； my wolf king。 Sleep。〃
Chapter 42
（Wolf）
A Missing Leaf
Perrin stood near the Tuatha'an wagons under bright sunlight； alone； and there was no arrow in his side； no pain。 Among the wagons firewood was stacked ready to be lit beneath iron cookpots hanging from tripods； and clothes hung from washlines； there were no people or horses。 He wore neither coat nor shirt； but a blacksmith's long leather vest that left his arms bare。 It could have been any dream； perhaps； except that he was aware it was a dream。 And he knew the feel of the wolf dream； the reality and solidity of it； from the long grass around his boots to the breeze out of the west that ruffled his curly hair； to the scattered ash and hemlock。 The Tinkers' gaudy wagons did not seem real； though； they had an air of insubstantiality； a feel that they might shimmer and be gone any moment。 They never remained long in one place； Tinkers。 No soil held them。
Wondering how much the land held him； he rested a hand on his axe … and looked down in surprise。 The heavy blacksmith's hammer hung in the loop on his belt； not the axe。 He frowned； once he would have chosen that way； had even thought he had； but surely no more。 The axe。 He had chosen the axe。 Hammerhead suddenly became half…moon blade and thick spike； flickered back to stout cylinder of cold steel； fluttered between。 Finally it stopped； as his axe； and he exhaled slowly。 That had never happened before。 Here； he could change things as he wanted with ease； things about himself at least。 〃And I want the axe；〃 he said firmly。 〃The axe。〃
Looking around； he could just see a farmhouse to the south； arid deer browsing the barley field； surrounded by a rough stone wall。 There was no feel of wolves； and he did not call Hopper。 The wolf might or might not e； or even hear； but Slayer could well be out there somewhere。 A bristling quiver abruptly tugged at his belt opposite the axe； and he had a stout longbow in his hand with a broadhead arrow nocked。 A long