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〃She's DEA；〃 Lucy told him。
〃No shit？〃 Marino said to Jo。 〃You seem kind of puny for DEA： 〃
〃They're into quotas；〃 Jo said。
He opened the refrigerator and shoved things around until he found a Red Stripe beer。 He twisted off the cap and started chugging。
〃Drinks are on the house；〃 he called out。
〃Marino；〃 I said。 〃What are you doing？ You're on duty。〃
〃Not anymore。 Here； let me show you。〃
He set the bottle down hard on the table and dialed a number。
〃Mann； what'cha know；〃 he said into the phone。 〃Yeah； yeah。 Listen； I ain't joking。 I'm feeling like shit。 You think you could cover for me tonight？ I'll owe ya：'
Marino winked at us。 He hung up； hit the speaker button on the phone and dialed again。 His call was answered on the first ring。
〃Bray；〃 the deputy chief of administration； Diane Bray； announced in my kitchen for all to hear。
〃Deputy Chief Bray； it's Marino；〃 he said in the voice of someone dying of a terrible scourge。 〃Really sorry to bug you at home。〃
He was answered with silence； having instantly and deliberately irritated his direct supervisor by addressing her as 〃Deputy Chief。〃 According to protocol； deputy chiefs were always addressed as 〃Chief；〃 while the chief himself was called 〃Colonel。〃 Calling her at home didn't win him any points； either。
〃What is it？〃 Bray tersely asked。
〃I feel like hell；〃 Marino rasped。 〃Throwing up； fever； the whole nine yards。 I gotta mark off sick and go to bed。〃
〃You certainly weren't sick when I saw you a few hours ago。；；
〃It happened real sudden。 I sure hope I didn't catch some bacteria thing。 。 。〃
I quickly dashed out Strep and Clostridia on a notepad。
〃。 。 。 you know； like strep or Clos…ter…ida out there at the scene。 One doctor I called warned me about that； because of getting in such close proximity to that dead body and all。。。
〃When does your shift end？〃 she interrupted him。
〃Eleven。〃
Lucy； Jo and I were red…faced； strangled by laughter we were fighting to hold in。
〃It's not likely I can find someone to be watch mander this late in the shift；〃 Bray coldly replied。
〃I already got hold of Lieutenant Mann in third precinct。 He's nice enough to work the rest of tour for me；〃 Marino let her know as his health failed precipitously。
〃You should have notified me earlier！〃 Bray snapped。
〃I kept hoping I could hang in there； Deputy Chief Bray。〃
〃Go home。 I want to see you in my office tomorrow。〃
〃If I'm well enough； I'll drop by； I sure will； Deputy Chief Bray。 You take care； now。 Sure hope you don't get whatever I got。〃
She hung up。
〃What a sweetheart；〃 Marino said as laughter leapt out。
〃God； no wonder；〃 Jo said when she could finally talk again。 〃I hear she's pretty much hated。〃
〃How'd you hear that？〃 Marino frowned。 〃They talk about her in Miami？〃
〃I'm from here。 On Old Mill； right off Three Chopt； not too far from the University of Richmond。〃
〃Your dad teach there？〃 Marino asked。
〃He's a Baptist minister。〃
〃Oh。 That must be fun。〃
〃Yeah；〃 Lucy chimed in； 〃kind of bizarre to think she grew up around here and we never met until Miami。 So； what are you going to do about Bray？〃
〃Nothing；〃 he said； draining the bottle of beer and going into the refrigerator for another one。
〃Well； I sure as hell would do something；〃 she said with hu ；e confidence。
'You know； you think shit like that when you're young；' he remarked。 〃Truth； justice and the American way。 Wait till you're my age。〃
〃I'll never be your age。〃
〃Lucy told me you're a detective；〃 Jo started talking to Marino。 〃So why are you dressed like that？〃
〃Story time；〃 Marino said。 〃You want to sit on my knee？〃
〃Let me guess。 You pissed somebody off。 Probably her。〃
〃DEA teach you to make deductions like that； or are you just unusually smart for someone almost grown up？〃
I sliced mushrooms； green peppers and onions； and pinched off pieces of whole…milk mozzarella while Lucy watched。 Finally； she made me look her in the eye。
‘'Right after you called this morning； Senator Lord did；〃 she quietly told me。 〃It about shocked the entire field office； I might add〃
〃I bet it did。〃
〃He told me to get on a plane immediately and e here。。。〃
〃If only you minded me so well。〃 I was getting shaky inside again。
〃That you needed me。〃
〃I can't tell you how glad I am 。 。 ：' My voice caught as I tumbled back down into that frigid； dark space。
〃Why didn't you tell me you needed me？〃
〃I didn't want to interfere。 You're so involved down there。 You didn't seem to want to talk。〃
〃All you had to say was； l need you。〃
〃You were on a cell phone。〃
〃I want to see the letter；〃 she said。
8
I laid the knife on the cutting board and wiped my hands on a towel。 I gave Lucy my eyes and she saw the pain and fear in them。
〃I want to read it alone with you；〃 she said。
I nodded and we went back to my bedroom and I got the letter out of the safe。 We sat on the edge of my bed and I noticed the Sig…Sauer 232 pistol tucked in an Uncle Mike's Sidekick ankle holster peeking out of the cuff of her right pants leg。 I couldn't…help but smile as I thought about what Benton would say。 Of course he would shake his head。 Of course he would go into some phony…baloney psychologizing that would leave us weak with laughter。
But his humor was not without its point。 I was aware of the more somber； foreboding side of what I was seeing right now。 Lucy had always been an ardent worshiper of self…defense。 But since Benton's murder； she had bee an extremist。
〃We're in the house；〃 I said to her。 〃Why don't you give your； ankle a rest？〃
〃Only way to get used to wearing one of these things is to wear it a lot；〃 she replied。 〃Especially stainless steel。 It's so much heavier。〃
〃Then why wear stainless steel？〃
〃I like it better。 And down there with all that humidity and saltwater。〃
〃Lucy； how； much longer are you going to be doing this undercover thing？〃 I blurted out。
〃Aunt Kay。〃 She met my eyes and put her hand on my arm。 〃Let's don't start that again。〃
〃It's just 。 。 。〃
〃I know。 It's just that you don't want one of these letters from me someday。〃
Her hands were steady as she held the creamy sheet of paper。
〃Don't say that：' l said with dread。
〃And I don't ever want one from you；〃 she added。
Benton's words were just as powerful and alive as they had been this morning when Senator Lord had brought them to me； and I heard Benton's voice again。 I saw his face and the love in his eyes。 Lucy read very slowly。 When she was done； she could not speak for a moment。
Then she said； 〃Don't you ever send me one of these。 I don't ever want one of these。〃
Her voice shook with pain and anger。
〃What's the point？ So you can just upset someone all over agdin？〃 she said； getting up from the bed。
〃Lucy； you know his point。〃 I wiped away tears and hugged her。 〃〃Deep down； you know。〃
I carried the letter into the kitchen and Marino and Jo read it； too。 His reaction was to stare out the window at the night； his big hands listless in his lap。 Hers was to get up and hover in the room； not sure where to go。
〃I really think I should go。〃 She repeated herself and we overruled her。 〃He wanted the three of you here。 I don't think I should be。〃
〃He would have wanted you here had he known you；〃 I said。
〃Nobody leaves。〃 Marino said it like a cop drawing down on a room full of suspects。 〃We're all in this together。 Goddamn。〃
He got up from the table and rubbed his face in his hands。
〃I sort of wish he hadn't done that。〃 He looked at me。 〃Would you do that to me； Doc？ 'Cause if you got any ideas； I'm telling you right now to forget it。 …I don't want no words from the crypt after you're gone。〃
〃Let's put this pizza on；〃 I said。
We went out on the patio and I worked the dough off a cookie sheet and placed it on the grill。 I spread sauce and sprinkled the meats； vegetables and cheese on top of it。 Marino； Lucy and Jo sat in iron rocking chairs because I would not let them help me。 They tried to keep a conversation going but no one had the heart for it。 I drizzled olive oil over the pizza； careful not to make the coals flare up。
〃I don't think he brought you together just so you could be depressed；〃 Jo finally said。
〃I'm not depressed；〃 Marino said。
〃Yes； you are；〃 Lucy countered。
〃About what； wiseass？〃
〃Everything。〃
〃At least I'm not afraid to say I miss him。〃
Lucy stared at him in disbelief。 Their sparring*had just drawn blood。
〃I can't believe you just said that；〃 she told him。
〃Believe it。 He's the only goddamn father you ever had； and I've never heard you say you miss him。 Why？ 'Cause you still think it's your fault； right？〃
〃What's wrong with you？〃
〃Well； guess what； Agent Lucy Farinelli：' Marino wouldn't stop。 〃It ain't your fault。 It's fucking Carne Grethen's fault； and no matter how many times you blow the bitch out of the sky； she'll never be dead enough for you； That's the way it works when you hate someone that bad。〃
〃And you don't hate her？〃 Lucy pushed back。
〃Hell。〃 Marino swilled what was left of his beer。 〃I hate her worse than you do。〃
〃I don't think it was Benton's plan for us to sit around here talking about how much we hate her or anybody；〃 I said。
〃Then how do you handle it； Dr。 Scarpetta？〃 Jo asked me。
〃I wish you would call me Kay。〃 I had told her this many times。 〃I cant' on。 That's all I can do。〃
The words sounded banal； even to me。 Jo leaned into the light of the grill and looked at me as if I held the answers to every question she had ever asked in life。
〃How do you go on？〃 she asked。 〃How do people go on？ All these bad things we deal with every day； yet we're on the other side of it。 It's not happening to us。 After we shut the door； we don't have to keep looking at that stain on the floor where someone's wife was raped and stabbed to death； someone's husband's brains blown out。 We lull ourselves into believing that we work cases and won't ever bee cases。 But you know better。〃
She paused； still leaning into the light of the grill； and shadows from the fire played on a face that looked far too young and pure to belong to someone so full of such questions。
〃How do you go on？〃 she asked again。
〃The human spirit is very resilient。〃 I didn't know what else to say。
〃Well； I'm afraid；〃 Jo said。 〃I think all the time about what I would do if something happened to Lucy。〃
〃Nothing's going to happen to me；〃 Lucy said。
She got up and kissed Jo on the top of the head。 She put her arms around her； and if this clear signal about the nature of their relationship was news to Marino； he didn't show it or seem to care。 He had known Lucy since she was ten； and in some measure； his influence on her had a lot to do with her going into law enforcement。 He had taught her to shoot。 He had let her drive the streets with him and even put her behind the wheel of one of his sacred trucks。
When he first realized she didn't fall in love with men； he had been the consummate bigot； probably because he feared his influence had fallen short of what； by his standard； mattered most。 He may even have wondered if he were somehow to blame。 That was many years ago。 I couldn't remember the last time he'd made a narrowminded ment about her sexual orientation。
〃But you work around death every day；〃 Jo gently persisted。 〃Aren't you reminded 。 。 。 of what happened； when you see it happen to someone else？ I don't mean to； well； I just don't want to be so afraid of death。〃
〃I don't have a magic formula；〃 I said； getting up。 〃Except you learn not to think too much。〃
The pizza was bubbling and I worked a big spatula under it。
〃That smells good；〃 Marino said with a worried 'look。 〃You think it's gonna be enough？〃
I made a second； then a third one； and I built a fire and we sat before it with the lights out in the great groom。 Marino stuck with beer。 Lucy； Jo and I sipped a white burgundy that was crisp and clean。
〃Maybe you should。 find somebody；〃 Lucy said； the light and shadow of flames dancing on her face。
〃Shit！〃 M