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ead。
I stole into my stepfather's chambers early the next morning。 He had sent his servants away weeks before； and the castle…folk no longer dared rap on his doors unless summoned。 The rooms were empty but for my stepfather and me。
He lay sprawled across his bed； his head hanging back over the edge of the pallet。 Had I not known how moderate most of his habits were； I would have thought from his deep； rough breathing and the way he had disordered the blankets that he had drunk himself stuporous； but Sulis seldom took even a single cup of wine。
The key to the locked boxes was on a cord around his neck。 As I tugged it out of his shirt with as much care as I could； I could not help but see how much happier he appeared with the blankness of sleep on him。 The furrows on his brow had loosened； and his jaw was no longer clenched in the grimace of distraction that had bee his constant expression。 In that moment； although I hated what he had done to the witch Valada； I pitied him。 Whatever madness had overtaken him of late； he had been a kind man in his way； in his time。
He stirred and made an indistinct sound。 Heart beating swiftly； I hurried to draw the cord and key over his head。
When I had found the wooden chests and unlocked them； I began to pull out and examine my stepfather's forbidden books； leafing quickly and quietly through each in turn； with one ear cocked for changes in his breathing。 Most of the plainbourid volumes were written in tongues I did not know； two or three in characters I could not even recognize。 Those of which I could understand a little seemed to contain either tales of the fairy…folk or stories about the High Keep during the time of the Northmen。
A good part of an hour had passed when 1 discovered a loosely…bound book titled Writings of Vargellis Sulis； Seventh Lord of Honsa Sulis； Now Master of the Sulean House in Exile。 My stepfather's careful hand filled the first pages densely； then grew larger and more imperfect as it continued； until the final pages seemed almost to have been scribed by a child still learning letters。
A noise from the bed startled me； but my stepfather had only grunted and turned on his side。 I continued through the book as swiftly as I could。 It seemed to be only the most recent of a lifetime's worth of writings … the earliest dates in the volume were from the first year we had lived in the High Keep。 The bulk of the pages listed tasks to be performed in the High Keep's rebuilding； and records of important judgements Sulis had made as lord of the keep and its tenant lands。 There were other notations of a more personal nature； but they were brief and unelaborated。 For that terrible day almost three years earlier； he had written only： Cynethrith Dead of Chest fever。 She shall be Buried on the Headland。
The sole mention of me was a single sentence from several months before … Breda happy Today。 It was oddly painful to me that my sombre stepfather should have noticed that and made a record of it。
The later pages held almost no mention of the affairs of either home or governance； as in daily life Sulis had also lost interest in both。 Instead； there were more and more notes that seemed to be about things he had read in other books … one said Plesinnen claims that Mortality is consumed in God as a Flame consumes Branch or Bough。 How then 。。。 with the rest smudged … one word might have been nails； and further on I could make out Holy Tree。 Another of his notes listed several Doorways that had been located by someone named Nisses； with explanations next to each that explained nothing at all … Shifted； read my stepfather's shaky hand beside one； or from a Time of No Occupation； or even； Met a Dark Thing。
It was only on the last two pages that I found references to the woman in the cell below the throne room。
Have at Last rec'd Word of the woman called Valada； the scrawl stated。 No one else Living North of Perdruin has Knowledge of the Black Fire。 She must be Made to Speak what she knows。 Below that； in another day's even less disciplined hand； was written； The Witch balks me； but I cannot have another Failure as on the Eve of Etysiamansa。 Stoning Night will be next Time of strong Voices beneath the Keep。 Walls will be Thin。 She will show me the Way of Black Fire or there is no other Hope。 Either she will answer； or Death。
I sat back； trying to make sense of it all。 Whatever my stepfather planned it would happen soon … Stoning Night was the last night of Avrel； only a few days away。 I could not tell from his writings if the witch was still in danger … did he mean to kill her if she failed； or only if she tried to cheat his bargain with her？ … but I had no doubt that this search for the thing called Black Fire would bring danger to everyone else； most importantly and most frighteningly my soldier； Tellarin。 Again my stepfather murmured in his sleep； an unhappy sound。 I locked his books away and stole out again。
All that day 1 felt distracted and feverish； but this time it was not love that fevered me。 I was terrified for my lover and fearful for my stepfather and the witch Valada； but what I knew and how I had discovered it I could not tell to anyone。 For the first time since my soldier had kissed me； I felt alone。 I was full up with secrets； and unlike Sulis； had not even a book to which they could be confided。
I would follow them； I decided at last。 I would follow them into the place my stepfather spoke of； the place beneath the keep where the walls were thin and the voices strong。 While they searched for the Black Fire； I would watch for danger。 I would protect them all。 I would be their angel。
Stoning Night came around at last。
Even had I not read my stepfather's writings； I think I would have known that the hour had e in which they meant to search for Black Fire； because Tellarin was so distracted and full of shadows。 Although he admitted nothing to me as we lay together in my bedchamber； I could feel that he was anxious about what would happen that night。 But he was bound to my stepfather by honour and blood； and had no choice。
He snapped at me when I kissed his ear and curled my fingers in his hair。 'Give a man some peace； girl。'
'Why are you a man and I am a girl？' I teased him； pretending a lightness I did not truly feel。 'Is there such a difference in our ages？ Have I not given to you already that which makes me a woman？'
My soldier was short…tempered and did not hear the love in what I said。 'Anybody who will not leave off when she is asked proves herself still a child。 And I am a man because I wear a soldier's badge； and because if my master asks； I must give my life。'
Tellarin was five years my elder； and in those long…ago days I was almost as impressed by the difference as he was； but I think now that all men are youngerr than their women； especially when their honour has been touched。
As he stared at the ceiling his face turned from angry to solemn； and I knew he was thinking of what he must do that night。 I was frightened too； so I kissed him again； softly this time； and apologized。 When he had gone； full of excuses meant to hide his actual task； I prepared for my own journey。 I had hidden my thickest cloak and six fat candles where Ulca and the other serving…women would not find them。 When I was dressed and ready； I touched my mother's golden Tree where it lay against my heart； and said a prayer for the safety of all who would go with me into darkness。
Stoning Night … the last night of Avrel； on the eve of Maia…month； the black hours when tales say spirits walk until driven back to their graves by dawn and the crowing cock。 The High Keep lay silent around me as I followed my beloved and the others through the dark。 It did not feel so much that the castle slept as that the great keep held its breath and waited。
There is a stairwell beneath the Angel Tower； and that was where they were bound。 I learned of it for the first time on that night； as I stood wrapped in my dark cloak； listening from the shadows of the wall opposite the tower。 Those I followed were four … my stepfather； Tellarin and his friend Avalles； and the woman Valada。 Despite the bargain she had made； the witch's arms were still chained。 It saddened me to see her restrained like an animal。
The workmen who had been repairing the tower had laid a rough wooden floor over the broken stones of the old one … perhaps to make certain no one fell down one of the many holes； perhaps simply to close off any openings into the castle's deepest places。 Some had even suggested that all the old castle floor should be sealed under brick； so that nothing would ever e up that way to trouble the sleep of God…fearing folk。
Because of this wooden floor； I waited a long time before following them through the tower's outer portal； knowing it would take some time for my stepfather and his two bondmen to shift the boards。 As I lurked in the shadows by the tower wall while the wind prowled the Inner Bailey； I thought about the Angel who stood at the top of the tower； a figure black with the grime of centuries that no rain could wash away； tipped sideways as though about to lose her balance and fall。 Who was she？ One of the blessed saints？ Was it an omen … did she watch over me as I meant to look over Tellarin and the rest？ I looked up； but the tower's high top was invisible in the night。
At last I tried the latch of the tower door and found the bolt had not been shot。 I hoped that it meant the Angel was indeed looking out for me。
Inside the tower the moonlight ended； so while still in the doorway I lit my first candle from the hidden touchwood； which had nearly burnt down。 My footsteps seemed frighteningly loud in the stony entry hall but no one appeared from the shadows to demand my business in that place。 I heard no sound of my stepfather or the rest。
I paused for a moment in front of the great； upward…winding staircase and could not help but wonder what the workmen would find when they cleared the rubble and reached the top … as I still wonder all these years later； with the painstaking work yet unfinished。 I suppose I will not see it in my lifetime。 Will they discover treasures left by the fairy…folk？ Or perhaps only those ancient beings' frail bones？
Even were it not for the things that happened on that fateful night； still the Angel Tower would haunt me； as it haunts this great keep and all the lands beneath its long shadow。 No mortals； I think； will ever know all its secrets。
Once； long ago； 1 dreamed that my stepfather gave me the Angel herself to clean； but that no matter how I tried； I could not scrub the black muck from her limbs and face。 He told me that it was not my fault； that God would have lent me the strength if He truly wanted the Angel's face to be seen； but I still wept at my failure。
I moved from the entry hall to a place where the floor fell away in great broken shards； and tried to imagine what could smash stones so thoroughly and yet leave the tower itself still standing。 It was not easy to follow where my stepfather and my beloved had already gone； but I climbed down the rubble； leaning to set my candle before me so that 1 could have both my hands free。 I wished； not for the last time； that I had worn something other than my soft shoes。 I clambered down and down； hurting my feet； tearing my dress in several places； until I reached the jumble of smaller broken stones which was the floor； at least a half dozen times my own height below the level of the Inner Bailey。 In the midst of this field of shards gaped a great； black hole bigger than the rest； a jagged mouth that waited to swallow me down。 As I crunched closer to it； I heard what I knew must be the voices of the others floating up from the depths； although they sounded strange to me。
More stones had been pushed aside to reveal the entrance to the stairwell； a lip of shiny white with steps inside it that vanished into shadow。 Another voice floated up； laughing。 It belonged to no one I knew。
Even with all that had happened in the previous days； I had never yet felt so frightened； but I knew Tellarin was down the