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〃Don't hurt the poor brute。 Put her down。〃
Master Maloney obediently dropped the cat； which sprang nimbly on to an upper shelf of the book…case。
〃I wasn't hoitin' her；〃 he said； without emotion。 〃Dere was two fellers in de street sickin' a dawg on to her。 An' I es up an' says；' G'wan！ What do youse t'ink you're doin'； fussin' de poor dumb animal？' An' one of de guys； he says； 'G'wan！ Who do youse t'ink youse is？' An' I says； 'I'm de guy what's goin' to swat youse one on de coco if youse don't quit fussin' de poor dumb animal。' So wit dat he makes a break at swattin' me one； but I swats him one； an' I swats de odder feller one； an' den I swats dem bote some more； an' I gets de kitty； an' I brings her in here； cos I t'inks maybe youse'll look after her。〃
And having finished this Homeric narrative； Master Maloney fixed an expressionless eye on the ceiling； and was silent。
Billy Windsor； like most men of the plains； bined the toughest of muscle with the softest of hearts。 He was always ready at any moment to bee the champion of the oppressed on the slightest provocation。 His alliance with Pugsy Maloney had begun on the occasion when he had rescued that youth from the clutches of a large negro； who； probably from the soundest of motives； was endeavouring to slay him。 Billy had not inquired into the rights and wrongs of the matter： he had merely sailed in and rescued the office…boy。 And Pugsy； though he had made no verbal ment on the affair； had shown in many ways that he was not ungrateful。
〃Bully for you； Pugsy！〃 he cried。 〃You're a little sport。 Here〃 he produced a dollar…bill〃go out and get some milk for the poor brute。 She's probably starving。 Keep the change。〃
〃Sure thing；〃 assented Master Maloney。 He strolled slowly out； while Billy Windsor； mounting a chair； proceeded to chirrup and snap his fingers in the effort to establish the foundations of an entente cordiale with the rescued cat。
By the time that Pugsy returned； carrying a five…cent bottle of milk； the animal had vacated the book…shelf； and was sitting on the table； washing her face。 The milk having been poured into the lid of a tobacco…tin； in lieu of a saucer； she suspended her operations and adjourned for refreshments。 Billy； business being business； turned again to Luella Granville Waterman； but Pugsy； having no immediate duties on hand； concentrated himself on the cat。
〃Say！〃 he said。
〃Well？〃
〃Dat kitty。〃
〃What about her？〃
〃Pipe de leather collar she's wearing。〃
Billy had noticed earlier in the proceedings that a narrow leather collar encircled the cat's neck。 He had not paid any particular attention to it。 〃What about it？〃 he said。
〃Guess I know where dat kitty belongs。 Dey all have dose collars。 I guess she's one of Bat Jarvis's kitties。 He's got a lot of dem for fair； and every one wit one of dem collars round deir neck。〃
〃Who's Bat Jarvis？ Do you mean the gang…leader？〃
〃Sure。 He's a cousin of mine；〃 said Master Maloney with pride。
〃Is he？〃 said Billy。 〃Nice sort of fellow to have in the family。 So you think that's his cat？〃
〃Sure。 He's got twenty…t'ree of dem； and dey all has dose collars。〃
〃Are you on speaking terms with the gentleman？〃
〃Huh？〃
〃Do you know Bat Jarvis to speak to？〃
〃Sure。 He's me cousin。〃
〃Well； tell him I've got the cat； and that if he wants it he'd better e round to my place。 You know where I live？〃
〃Sure。〃
〃Fancy you being a cousin of Bat's； Pugsy。 Why did you never tell us？ Are you going to join the gang some day？〃
〃Nope。 Nothin' doin'。 I'm goin' to be a cow…boy。〃
〃Good for you。 Well； you tell him when you see him。 And now； my lad； out you get； because if I'm interrupted any more I shan't get； through to…night。〃
〃Sure；〃 said Master Maloney； retiring。
〃Oh； and Pugsy 。 。 。〃
〃Huh？〃
〃Go out and get a good big basket。 I shall want one to carry this animal home in。〃
〃Sure；〃 said Master Maloney。
CHAPTER III
AT 〃THE GARDENIA〃
〃It would ill beseem me； rade Jackson；〃 said Psmith； thoughtfully sipping his coffee； 〃to run down the metropolis of a great and friendly nation； but candour pels me to state that New York is in some respects a singularly blighted town。〃
〃What's the matter with it？〃 asked Mike。
〃Too decorous； rade Jackson。 I came over here principally； it is true； to be at your side； should you be in any way persecuted by scoundrels。 But at the same time I confess that at the back of my mind there lurked a hope that stirring adventures might e my way。 I had heard so much of the place。 Report had it that an earnest seeker after amusement might have a tolerably spacious rag in this modern Byzantium。 I thought that a few weeks here might restore that keen edge to my nervous system which the languor of the past term had in a measure blunted。 I wished my visit to be a tonic rather than a sedative。 I anticipated that on my return the cry would go round Cambridge； 'Psmith has been to New York。 He is full of oats。 For he on honey…dew hath fed； and drunk the milk of Paradise。 He is hot stuff。 Rah！' But what do we find？〃
He paused； and lit a cigarette。
〃What do we find？〃 he asked again。
〃I don't know；〃 said Mike。 〃What？〃
〃A very judicious query； rade Jackson。 What； indeed？ We find a town very like London。 A quiet； self…respecting town； admirable to the apostle of social reform； but disappointing to one who； like myself； arrives with a brush and a little bucket of red paint； all eager for a treat。 I have been here a week； and I have not seen a single citizen clubbed by a policeman。 No negroes dance cake…walks in the street。 No cow…boy has let off his revolver at random in Broadway。 The cables flash the message across the ocean； 'Psmith is losing his illusions。'〃
Mike had e to America with a team of the M。C。C。 which was touring the cricket…playing section of the United States。 Psmith had acpanied him in a private capacity。 It was the end of their first year at Cambridge； and Mike； with a century against Oxford to his credit； had been one of the first to be invited to join the tour。 Psmith； who had played cricket in a rather desultory way at the University； had not risen to these heights。 He had merely taken the opportunity of Mike's visit to the other side to acpany him。 Cambridge had proved pleasant to Psmith； but a trifle quiet。 He had weled the chance of getting a change of scene。
So far the visit had failed to satisfy him。 Mike； whose tastes in pleasure were simple； was delighted with everything。 The cricket so far had been rather of the picnic order； but it was very pleasant； and there was no limit to the hospitality with which the visitors were treated。 It was this more than anything which had caused Psmith's grave disapproval of things American。 He was not a member of the team； so that the advantages of the hospitality did not reach him。 He had all the disadvantages。 He saw far too little of Mike。 When he wished to consult his confidential secretary and adviser on some aspect of Life； that invaluable official was generally absent at dinner with the rest of the team。 To…night was one of the rare occasions when Mike could get away。 Psmith was being bored。 New York is a better city than London to be alone in； but it is never pleasant to be alone in any big city。
As they sat discussing New York's shortings over their coffee； a young man passed them； carrying a basket； and seated himself at the next table。 He was a tall； loose…jointed young man； with unkempt hair。
A waiter made an ingratiating gesture towards the basket； but the young man stopped him。 〃Not on your life； sonny；〃 he said。 〃This stays right here。〃 He placed it carefully on the floor beside his chair； and proceeded to order dinner。
Psmith watched him thoughtfully。
〃I have a suspicion； rade Jackson；〃 he said； 〃that this will prove to be a somewhat stout fellow。 If possible； we will engage him in conversation。 I wonder what he's got in the basket。 I must get my Sherlock Holmes system to work。 What is the most likely thing for a man to have in a basket？ You would reply； in your unthinking way； 'sandwiches。' Error。 A man with a basketful of sandwiches does not need to dine at restaurants。 We must try again。〃
The young man at the next table had ordered a jug of milk to be acpanied by a saucer。 These having arrived； he proceeded to lift the basket on to his lap； pour the milk into the saucer； and remove the lid from the basket。 Instantly； with a yell which made the young man's table the centre of interest to all the diners； a large grey cat shot up like a rocket； and darted across the room。 Psmith watched with silent interest。
It is hard to astonish the waiters at a New York restaurant； but when the cat performed this feat there was a squeal of surprise all round the room。 Waiters rushed to and fro； futile but energetic。 The cat； having secured a strong strategic position on the top of a large oil…painting which hung on the far wall； was expressing loud disapproval of the efforts of one of the waiters to drive it from its post with a walking…stick。 The young man； seeing these manoeuvres； uttered a wrathful shout； and rushed to the rescue。
〃rade Jackson；〃 said Psmith； rising； 〃we must be in this。〃
When they arrived on the scene of hostilities； the young man had just possessed himself of the walking…stick； and was deep in a plex argument with the head…waiter on the ethics of the matter。 The head…waiter； a stout impassive German； had taken his stand on a point of etiquette。 〃Id is；〃 he said； 〃to bring gats into der grill…room vorbidden。 No gendleman would gats into der grill…room bring。 Der gendleman〃
The young man meanwhile was making enticing sounds； to which the cat was maintaining an attitude of reserved hostility。 He turned furiously on the head…waiter。
〃For goodness' sake；〃 he cried； 〃can't you see the poor brute's scared stiff？ Why don't you clear your gang of German edians away； and give her a chance to e down？〃
〃Der gendleman〃 argued the head…waiter。
Psmith stepped forward and touched him on the arm。
〃May I have a word with you in private？〃
〃Zo？〃
Psmith drew him away。
〃You don't know who that is？〃 he whispered； nodding towards the young man。
〃No gendleman he is；〃 asserted the head…waiter。 〃Der gendleman would not der gat into〃
Psmith shook his head pityingly。
〃These petty matters of etiquette are not for his Gracebut； hush； he wishes to preserve his incognito。〃
〃Ingognito？〃
〃You understand。 You are a man of the world； rademay I call you Freddie？ You understand； rade Freddie； that in a man in his Grace's position a few little eccentricities may be pardoned。 You follow me； Frederick？〃
The head…waiter's eye rested upon the young man with a new interest and respect。
〃He is noble？〃 he inquired with awe。
〃He is here strictly incognito； you understand；〃 said Psmith warningly。 The head…waiter nodded。
The young man meanwhile had broken down the cat's reserve； and was now standing with her in his arms； apparently anxious to fight all…corners in her defence。 The head…waiter approached deferentially。
〃Der gendleman；〃 he said； indicating Psmith； who beamed in a friendly manner through his eye…glass； 〃haf everything exblained。 All will now quite satisfactory be。〃
The young man looked inquiringly at Psmith； who winked encouragingly。 The head…waiter bowed。
〃Let me present rade Jackson；〃 said Psmith； 〃the pet of our English Smart Set。 I am Psmith； one of the Shropshire Psmiths。 This is a great moment。 Shall we be moving back？ We were about to order a second instalment of coffee； to correct the effects of a fatiguing day。 Perhaps you would care to join us？〃
〃Sure；〃 said the alleged duke。
〃This；〃 said Psmith； when they were seated； and the head…waiter had ceased to hover； 〃is a great meeting。 I was plaining with some acerbity to rade Jackson； before you introduced your very interesting performing…animal speciality； that things in New York were too quiet； too decorous。 I have an inkling； rade〃
〃Windsor's my name。〃
〃I have an inkling； rade Windsor； that we see eye to eye on the subject。〃
〃I guess that's right。 I was raised in the plains； and I lived in Kentucky a while。 There's more doing there in a day than there is here in a month。 Say； how did you fix it with the old man？〃
〃With rade Freddie？ I