按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
ng to see the sun for a few days。 When we leave the forest again； we'll be riding by night。〃
〃At least if we ride at night I won't have to look at the things that are tearing all the skin off my body；〃 Simon said crossly； rubbing at his tattered breeches and the bruised flesh underneath。
It was heartening； Miriamele discovered； to have something to do。 The feeling of helpless dread that had gripped her for weeks faded away； leaving her able to think clearly； to see everything around her as if with new eyes。。。 and even to enjoy being with Simon。
She did enjoy his pany。 Sometimes she wished she didn't enjoy it quite so much。 It was hard not to feel as though she were tricking him somehow。 It was more than just not telling him all her reasons for leaving Uncle Josua and setting out for the Hayholt。 She also felt as though she were not wholly clean； not wholly fit to be with someone else。
It is Aspitis； she thought。 He did this to me。 Before him； I was as pure as anyone could want to he。
But was that really true？ He had not forced himself upon her。 She had let him do what he wished…in some ways she had weled it。 In the end； Aspitis had proved to be a monster； but the way in which he came to her bed was no different than that in which most men came to their sweethearts。 He had not savaged her。 If what they had done was wrong and sinful； she bore equal blame。
And what； then； of Simon？ She had very mixed feelings。 He was not a boy any more but a man； and a part of her feared the man he had bee； as it would fear any man。 But； she thought； there was also something about him that had remained strangely innocent。 In his earnest attempts to do right； in the poorly…hidden hurt that he showed when she was short with him； he was still almost childlike。 This made her feel even worse； that in his transparent regard for her he had no clue as to what she was truly like。 It was precisely when he was kindest to her； when he most admired and plimented her； that she felt most angry with him。 It seemed he was being willfully blind。
It was a dreadful way to feel。 Luckily； Simon seemed to understand that his sincere affection was somehow painful to her； so he fell back on the jesting； mocking friendship with which she was more fortable。 When she could be around him without thinking about herself； she found him good pany。
Despite growing up in the courts of her grandfather and father； Miriamele had found little opportunity to be with boys。 King John's knights were mostly dead or long since retired to their estates scattered about Erkynland and elsewhere； and in her grandfather's later years the king's court had bee empty of almost any but those who had to live near the king for the sake of their day…to…day livelihoods。 Later； when her mother had died； her father had frowned on her spending time even with the few boys and girls of her age。 He had not filled the void with his own presence； but had instead mewed her up with unpleasant old men and women who lectured her about the rituals and responsibilities of her position and found fault with everything she did。 By the time her father had bee king； Miriamele's solitary childhood was over。
Leieth； her handmaiden； had been almost her only young panion。 The little girl had idolized Miriamele； hanging on the princess' every word。 In turn； Leieth had told long stories about growing up with brothers and sisters…she was the youngest of a large baronial family…while her mistress listened in fascination； trying not to be jealous of the family she had never had。
That was why it had been so difficult to see Leieth again upon reaching Sesuad'ra。 The lively little girl she remembered had vanished。 Before they had fled the castle together； Leieth had been quiet sometimes； and many things frightened her； but it was as though some pletely different creature now lived behind the little girl's eyes。 Miriamele had tried to remember if there had ever been any sign of the sort of things that Geloe had discovered in the child； but could think of little； except that Leieth had been prone to vivid； intricate； and sometimes frightening dreams。 Some of them had seemed so detailed … and unusual in Leieth's retelling that Miriamele had been more than half certain the little girl had invented them。
When Miriamele's father had ascended to his own father's throne； she found herself both surrounded by people and yet terribly lonely。 Everyone at the Hayholt had seemed obsessed with the empty ritual of power； something Miriamele had lived with for so long that it held no interest for her。 It was like watching a confusing game played by bad…tempered children。 Even the few young men who paid court to her…or rather to her father； for most of them had been interested in little more than the riches and power that would fall to the one who received her marriage…pledge…had seemed to her like some other type of animal than she； boring old men in the bodies of youths； sullen boys masquerading as adults。
The only ones in all of Meremund or the Hayholt who seemed to enjoy life for what it was rather than what gain could be coaxed from it were the servants。 In the Hayholt especially； with its army of maids and grooms and scullions； it was as though an entirely different race of people lived side by side with her own bleak peers。 Once； in a moment of terrible sadness； she had suddenly seen the great castle as a kind of inverted lich…yard； with the creaking dead walking around on top while the living sang and laughed below。
Thus Simon and a few others had first e to her attention…boys who seemed to want nothing much more than to be boys。 Unlike the children of her father's nobles； they were in no hurry to take on the clacking； droning； mannered speech of their elders。 She watched them dawdling through their chores； laughing behind their hands at each others' foolish pranks； or playing hoodman blind on the mons grass； and she ached to be like them。 Their lives seemed so simple。 Even when a more mature wisdom taught her that the lives of the serving…folk were hard and wearIsorne； she still dreamed sometimes that she could put off her royalty as easily as a cloak and bee one of their number。 Hard work had never frightened her； but she was terrified of solitude。
〃No；〃 Simon said firmly。 〃You should never let me get this close to you。〃
He moved his foot slightly and twisted the hilt of his sword so that its cloth…wrapped blade pushed hers away。 Suddenly； he was pressing against her。 His smell； pounded of sweat and leather jerkin and the sodden fragments of a thousand leaves； was very strong。 He was so tall！ She forgot that sometimes。 The sudden impact of his presence made it hard for Miriamele to think clearly。
〃You've left yourself open now；〃 he said。 〃If I used my dagger； you wouldn't have a chance。 Remember； you'll almost always be fighting someone with more reach。〃
Instead of trying to bring her sword back where it would do some good； she let it drop； then put both hands against Simon's chest and pushed。 He fell back； stumbling； before he regained his balance。
〃Leave me alone。〃 Miriamele turned and walked a few steps away； then stooped to pick up a few branches for the fire so her shaking hands would have something to do。
〃What's wrong？〃 Simon asked； taken aback。 〃Did I hurt you？〃
〃No； you didn't hurt me。〃 She took her armful of wood and dumped it into the circle they had cleared on the forest floor。 〃I'm just done with that game for a while。〃
Simon shook his head； then sat to undo the rags wound about his sword。
They had made camp early today； the sun still high above the treetops。 Miriamele had decided that tomorrow they would follow the little streamlet that had long been their panion down to the River Road； the course of the stream had been bending in that direction for most of this day's journey。 The River Road wound beside the Ymstrecca； past Stanshire and on to Hasu Vale。 It would be best； she had reasoned； for them to take to the road at midnight and still have some walking time before dawn； rather than spend all of this night in the forest and then wait through daylight again so they could travel the road in darkness。
This had been her first opportunity to use her sword in several days； except for the inglorious purpose of clearing brush。 It had even been she who had suggested an hour of practice before they ate their evening meal…which was one of the reasons her abrupt change of heart obviously puzzled Simon。 Miriamele felt torn between a desire to tell him it wasn't his fault； and an obscure feeling that somehow it was his fault…his fault for being male； his fault for liking her； his fault for ing with her when she would have been happier being miserably alone。
〃Don't mind me； Simon；〃 she said at last； and felt weak for doing so。 〃I'm just tired。〃
Mollified； he finished his careful rewinding of the cloth； then dropped the ball of dusty fabric into his saddlebag before ing to join her beside the unlit fire。 〃I just wanted you to be careful。 I told you that you lean too far。〃
〃I know； Simon。 You did tell me。〃
〃You can't let someone bigger than you get that close。〃
Miriamele found herself wishing silently that he would stop talking about it。 〃I know； Simon。 I'm just tired。〃
He seemed to sense that he had annoyed her again。 〃But you're good； Miriamele。 You're strong。〃
She nodded； absorbed now with the flint。 A spark fell into the curls of tinder； but failed to produce a flame。 Miriamele wrinkled her nose and tried again。
〃Do you want me to try？〃
〃No； I don't want you to try。〃 She struck again without result。 Her arms were getting weary； Simon looked at the wood shavings； then up at Miriamele's face； then quickly back down again。 〃Remember Binabik's yellow powder？ He could start a fire in a rainstorm with that。 I saw him make one catch when we were on Sikkihoq； and there was snow； and the wind was blowing。。。。〃
〃Here。〃 Miriamele stood； letting the flint and the steel bar tumble to the dirt beside the tinder。 〃You do it。〃 She walked to her horse and began hunting through the saddlebags。
Simon seemed about to say something； but instead applied himself to the task of fire…lighting。 He had no better luck than Miriamele for a long time。 At last； when she had returned with a kerchief full of the things she had found； he finally caught a small spark and provoked it into flame。 As she stood over him she saw that his hair was getting quite long； hanging down onto his shoulders in reddish curls。
He looked up at her shyly。 His eyes were full of concern for her… 〃What's wrong？〃
She ignored his question。 〃Your hair wants cutting。 I'll do it after we eat。〃 She undid the kerchief。 〃These are our last two apples。 They're getting a little old； in any case…I don't know where Fengbald found them。〃 She had been told about the source of much of Josua's confiscated foodstuffs。 There was an obscure pleasure in eating what had once been destined for that strutting braggart。 〃There's still some dried mutton； too； but we're almost through with it。 We may have to try out the bow sometime soon。〃
Simon opened his mouth； then shut it。 He took a breath。 〃We'll wrap the apples in leaves and bury them in the coals。 Shem Horsegroom used to do that all the time。 Then it doesn't matter if they're a little old。〃
〃If you say so；〃 Miriamele replied。
Miriamele leaned back and licked her fingers。 They still smarted a little from the hot apple skin； but it had been worth it。 〃Shem Horsegroom；〃 she said； 〃is a man of astonishing wisdom。〃
Simon smiled。 His beard was sticky with juice。 〃It was good。 But now we don't have any more。〃
〃I couldn't eat any more tonight； anyway。 And tomorrow we'll be on the road to Stanshire。 I'm sure we can find something almost as good along the way。〃
Simon shrugged。 〃I wonder where old Shem is；〃 he asked after a few moments had passed。 The fire popped and spat as the leaves in which the apples had cooked began to blacken。 〃And Ruben。 And Rachel。 Do you think they're all still living at the Hayholt？〃
〃Why shouldn't they be？ The king still needs groom