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cwilleford.theburntorangeheresy-第2部分

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s column on new shows; and at least one major artist exhibited long enough for me to honor him with one of my fulllength treatments。 There is money in Florida during the season; and artists wifi show anywhere there is enough money to purchase their work。
  With Berenice around the tiny apartment all the time; I couldn't write。 She would pad about barefooted; as quiet and as stealthy as a 140…pound mouse…until I plained。 She would then sit quietly; placidly; not reading; not doing anything; except to stare lovingly at my back as I sat at my Hermes。 I couldn't stand it。
  〃What are you thinking about; Berenice?〃
  〃Nothing。〃
  〃Yes; you are; you're thinking about me。〃
  〃No; I'm not。 Go ahead and write。 I'm not bothering you。〃
  But she did bother me; and I couldn't write。 I couldn't hear her breathing; she was so quiet; but I would catch myself listening to see if I could hear her。 It took some mental preparation (I am; basically; a kind sonofabitch); but I finally; in a nice way; asked Berenice to leave。 She wouldn't go。 Later I asked her to leave in a harsh and nasty way。 She wouldn't fight with me; but she wouldn't leave。 On these occasions she wouldn't even talk back。 She merely looked at me; earnestly; with her welkin eyes wide open…the lenses sliding around…tears torrenting; suppressing; or making an effort to hold back; big; blubbery; gasping sobs… she was destroying me。 I would leave the apartment; forever; and e back a few hours later for a reconciliation replay and a wild hour in the sack。
  But I wasn't getting my work done。 Work is important to a man。 Not even a Helen of Troy can pete with a Hermes。 No matter how wonderful she is; a woman is only a woman; whereas 2;500 words is an article。 In desperation I issued Berenice an ultimatum。 I told her that I was leaving for Miami; and that when I came back twenty…four hours later I wanted her the hell out of my apartment and out of my life。
  And now I was returning seventy…two hours later; having added two extra days as insurance。 I expected her to be in the apartment。 I wanted her to be there and; paradoxically; I wanted her to be gone forever。
  I parked in the street; put the canvas top up on the Chevy…a seven…year…old convertible…and started across the flagged patio to the stuccoed outside staircase。 Halfway up the stairs I could hear the phone ringing in my apartment on the second floor。 I stopped and waited while it rang three more times。 Berenice would be incapable of letting a phone ring four times without answering it; and I knew that she was gone。 Before I got the door unlocked the ringing stopped。
  Berenice was gone and 'the apartment was clean。 It wasn't spotless; of course; but she had made a noble effort to put things in order。 The dishes had been washed and put away and the linoleum floor had been mopped in a halfassed way。
  There was a sealed envelope; with 〃James〃 scribbled on the outside; propped against my typewriter on the card table by the window。
  
  Dearest dearest James…
  You are a bastard but I think you know that。 I still love
  you but I will forget you…I hope I never forget the good
  things。 I'm going back to Duluth…don't follow me there。
  B。
  
  If she didn't want me to follow her; why tell me where she was going?
  There were three crumpled pieces of paper in the wastebasket。 Rough drafts for the final note。 I considered reading them; but changed my mind。 I would let the final version stand。 I crumpled the note and the envelope and added them to the wastebasket。
  I felt a profound sense of loss; together with an unreasonable surge of anger。 I could still smell Berenice in the apartment; and knew that her feminine pound of musk; sweat; perfume; pungent powder; lavender soap; bacon breath; Nose…cote; padded sachet coat hangers; vinegar; and everything else nice about her would linger on in the apartment forever。 I felt sorry for myself and sorry for Berenice and; at the same time; a kind of bubbling elation that I was rid of her; even though I knew that I was going to miss her like crazy during the next few terrible weeks。
  There was plenty of time before the preview at Gloria's Gallery。 I removed my sport shirt; kicked off my loafers; and sat at the card table; which served as my desk; to go over my Miami notes。 My three days in Dade County hadn't been wasted。
  I had stayed with Larry Levine; in Coconut Grove。 Larry was a printmaker I had known in New York; and his wife Paula was a superb cook。 I would reimburse Larry with a brief ment about his new animal prints in my Notes columm。
  I had enough notes for a 2;500…word article on a 〃Southern Gothic〃 environmental exhibit I had attended in North Miami; and an item on Harry Truman's glasses was a good lead…off piece for my back…of…the…book columm。 Larry had steered me to the latter。
  A mechanic in South Miami; a Truman lover; had written to Lincoln Borglum; who had finished the monumental heads on Mount Rushmore after his father's death; and had asked the sculptor when he was going to add Harry Truman's head to the others。 Lincoln Borgium; who apparently had a better sense of humor than his late father; Gutzon; claimed; in a facetious reply; that he was unable to do so because it was too difficult to duplicate Harry Truman's glasses。 The mechanic; a man named Jack Wade; took Borgium at his word; and made the glasses himself。
  They were enormous spectacles; more than twenty…five feet across; steel frames covered with thickly enameled ormolu。 The lenses were fashioned from twindex windows; the kind with a vacuum to separate the two panes of glass。
  〃The vacuum inside will help keep the lenses from fogging up on cold days;〃 Wade explained。
  I had taken three black…and…white Polaroid snapshots of Wade and the glasses; and one of the photos was sharp enough to illustrate the item in my column。 The spectacles were a superior job of craftsmanship; and I had suggested to Mr。 Wade that he might sell them to an optician for advertising purposes。 The suggestion made him angry。
  〃No; by God;〃 he said adamantly。 〃These glasses were made for Mr。 Truman; when his bust is finished on Mount Rushmore!〃
  The phone rang。
  〃Where have you been?〃 Gloria's voice asked shrilly。 〃I've been calling you all afternoon。 Berenice said you left and that you might never e back。〃
  〃When did you talk to Berenice?〃
  〃This morning; about ten thirty。〃
  This news hit me hard。 If I had returned in twenty…four hours; in forty…eight; or sixty…I'd still have Berenice。 My timing had been perfect; but a pang was there。
  〃I've been in Miami; working。 But Berenice has left and won't be back。〃
  〃Lovers' quarrel? Tell Gloria all about it。〃
  〃I don't want to talk about it; Gloria。〃
  She laughed。 〃You're ing to the preview?〃
  〃I told you I would。 What's so important about secondhand Haitian art that you've had to call me all day?〃
  〃Westcott's a good painter; James; he really is; you know。 A first…rate draughtsman。〃
  〃Sure。〃
  〃You sound funny。 Are you all right?〃
  〃I'm fine。 And I'll be there。〃
  〃That's what I wanted to talk to you about。 Joseph Cassidy will be there; and he's ing because he wants to meet you。 He told me so。 You know who Mr。 Cassidy is; don't you?〃
  〃Doesn't everybody?〃
  〃No; not everybody。 Not everybody needs him!〃 She laughed。 〃But he's invited us…you and me and a few others…to supper at his place after the preview。 He has a penthouse at the Royal Palm Towers。〃
  〃I know where he lives。 Why does he want to meet me?〃
  〃He didn't say。 But he's the biggest collector to ever visit my little gallery; and if I could land him as a patron I wouldn't need any others…〃
  〃Don't sell him any primitives; then; or Westcotts。〃
  〃Why not?〃
  〃He isn't interested in conventional art。 Don't try to sell him anything。 Wait until I talk to him; and then I'll suggest something to you。〃
  〃I appreciate this; James。〃
  〃It's nothing。〃
  〃Are you bringing Berenice?〃
  〃I don't want to talk about it; Gloria。〃
  She was laughing as I racked the phone。
  
  
  3
  
  As much as I dislike the term 〃freeloader;〃 no other word fits what I had bee during my sojourn on the Gold Coast。 There are several seasonal societal levels in Palm Beach; and they are all quite different from the social groups; divided uneasily by the Waspish and Jewish groupings found in Miami and Miami Beach。 In Lauderdale; of course; the monied class is squarely WASP。
  I belonged to none of the 〃groups;〃 but I was on the periphery of all of them by virtue of my calling。 I met people at art show previews; where cocktails are usually served; and because I was young; single; and had an acceptable profession; I was frequently invited to dinners; cocktail parties; polo games; boat rides; late suppers; and barbecues。 These invitations; which led to introductions to other guests; usually produced additional dinner invitations。 And a few of the Gold Coast artists; like Larry Levine; for example; were people I had known in New York。
  After two months in Florida I had many acquaintances; or connections; but no friends。 I did not return any of the dinner invitations; and I had to avoid bars; night clubs; and restaurants where I might get stuck with a check。 The man who never picks up a check does not acquire friends。
  Nevertheless; I felt that my various hosts and hostesses were repensed for my presence at their homes。 I put up genially with bores; I was an extra man at dinners where single; heterosexual young men were at a premium; and when I was in a good mood; I could tell stories or carry conversation over dead spots。
  I had two dinner jackets; a red silk brocade and a standard white linen。 There were lipstick mouthings on the white jacket; where a tipsy Berenice had bitten me on the shoulder while I was driving back from a party。 I was forced; then; to wear the red brocade。
  As I walked the six blocks from my apartment to Gloria's Gallery; I speculated on Joseph Cassidy's invitation to supper。 A social invitation wasn't unusual; but she had said that he wanted to meet me; and I wondered why。 Cassidy was not only famous as a collector; he was famous as a criminal lawyer。 It was the huge ine from his practice in Chicago that had enabled him to build his art collection。
  He had one of the finest private collections of contemporary art in America; and the conclusion I came to; which seemed reasonable at the time; was that he might want to hire me to write a catalogue for it。 And if he did not want to see me about that (to my knowledge; no catalogue had been published on his collection); I had a good mind to suggest it to him。 The task would pay off for me; as well as for Cassidy; in several ways。 I could make some additional money; spend a few months in Chicago; do some writing on midwestern art and artists; and my name on the published catalogue would enhance my career。
  The more I thought about the idea the more enthusiastic I became; but by the time I reached the gallery my enthusiasm was tempered by the knowledge that I could not broach the suggestion to him。 If he suggested it; fine; but I could not ask a man for employment at a social affair without a loss of dignity。
  And what else did I have to offer a man in Cassidy's position? My pride (call it machismo) in myself; which I overrated and which I knew was often phony; was innate; I supposed…a part of my heritage from my Puerto Rican father。 But the pride was there; all the same; and I had passed up many opportunities to push myself by considering first; inside my head; what my father would have done in similar circumstances。
  By the time I reached the gallery; I had pushed the idea out of my mind。
  Gloria forced her thin lips over her buck teeth; brushed my right sideburn with her mouth; and; capturing my right arm in a painful armlock; led me to the bar。
  〃Do you know this man; Eddy?〃 she said to the bartender。
  〃No;〃 Eddy shook his head solemnly; 〃but his drink is familiar。〃 He poured two ounces of Cutty Sark over two ice cubes and handed me the Dixie cup。
  〃Thanks; Eddy。〃
  Eddy worked the day shift at Hiram's Hideaway in South Palm Beach; but he was a popular bartender and was hired by 
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