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away every second； Berenice's voice screamed shrilly。 I picked up the tire iron。
I turned off the headlights and started after her； judging direction by the sound of her screams； which were growing fainter； in the dark forest。 Berenice ran awkwardly； like most women； and she was hampered by the knee…length coat。 I didn't think she could run far； but I was unable to catch up with her。 I tried to run myself； but after tripping over a stump and sprawling full length on the damp ground； I settled for a fast walk。
The screaming stopped； and so did I。 The abrupt silence startled me and； for the first time； I was frightened。 I had to find her。 If she got away； everything was over for me… everything。
I moved ahead； walking slower now； searching every foot of ground； now that my eyes had bee adjusted to the dim light。 A light mist hovered a hundred feet above the trees； but there was a moon； and I could see a little better with every passing moment。 The trees thinned out and the wet ground began to get mushy。 I was on the edge of a swamp； and after another fifty yards or so； I came to the edge of a lake of black； stagnant water。 I knew Berenice well enough to know that she wouldn't have plunged into that inky water。 The way was easier going toward the left； and I took it； figuring that she would do the same。
I found her a few minutes later； catching sight of her light…colored coat。 She was in a prone position； with her legs spread awkwardly； partially hidden under a spreading dogwood tree。 Afraid to touch her； I rolled her over on her back。 A pale shaft of moonlight filtered through the tree branches； lighting her bloody face and wide staring eyes。
I didn't know whether she was dead or not； but I had to make certain。 There was one thing I did know。 I wouldn't have been able to hit her again。 As I knelt down beside her and opened her coat； an aroma of Patou's Joy filled my nostrils with loss。 I put my head down on her chest and listened for a heartbeat。 Nothing。 Berenice was dead； but my blows on her head hadn't killed her。 She had died from shock。 No one； mortally wounded； would have been able to run so far。 On the other hand； both of us for a few moments had been gifted with superhuman strength。 She was a big woman； stronger than hell； and she had been fighting for her life。
But so had I。
I dragged her to the edge of the water and wedged her body under a fallen tree that was half in and half out of the swamp。 By leaning dead branches and by piling brush over the unsubmerged part of the tree； she was pletely hidden from view。 Debierue knew that she was with me； and if she were to be found； and if he learned that she had been killed； he would tell Cassidy immediately。 That is； he would tell Cassidy if her body was found before he received the tear sheets of my article on his American Harvest period。 He would be so delighted by my article he wouldn't risk mentioning Berenice's name to anyone。 His reputation； as well as mine； depended upon that article。 But there would be time； plenty of time。 Months； perhaps years； would pass before her body was found。
Suddenly I was weak and dispirited。 All of my strength disappeared。 I leaned against the nearest tree and vomited my dinner…the corn； the tomatoes and okra； the stringy chunks of sirloin； the biscuits； everything。 Panting and sobbing until I caught my breath； I returned to the dogwood tree and picked up my tire iron。 It had my fingerprints on it； and in case I had a flat tire on my way to New York； I would need it again。
I started back toward the car； and after walking for five minutes or so I discovered that I was lost。 I panicked and began to run。 I tripped and fell； banging my head against a tree； scratching a painful gash in my forehead。 As Freud said； there are no accidents。 Fighting down my panic by taking long deep breaths； I calmed down further by forcing myself to sit quietly on the damp ground； with my back against a tree； and by smoking a cigarette down to the cork tip。 I was all right。 Everything was going to be all right。
Calmer now； although my hands were still trembling； I managed to retrace my path back to the swamp and Berenice。 I now had a sense of direction。 I started back in what I thought was the general direction of the car； and hit the sandy road； missing the clearing and the car by about fifty yards。 My face was flushed with heat； and I was shivering at the same time with cold。 Before setting out； I put up the canvas top； and then kicked over the engine。
Two weeks later； back in New York； when I was cleaning out the car in order to sell it； I found one of Berenice's fingers； or a part of one…the first two joints and the Chen Yued fingernail。 She must have got it lopped off when she had put her hands over her head in the car。 I wrapped the finger in a handkerchief and put it safely away。 Perhaps a day would e； I thought； when I would be able to look at this finger without fear； pain； or remorse。
4
The photograph of Debierue 〃reading〃 the flaming copy of the Miami Herald； which illustrated my article in Fine Arts： The Americas was republished in Look and Newsweek； and in the fine arts section of the Sunday New York Times。 UPI； after dickering with my agent； finally bought the photo and sent it out on the wire to their subscribers。 The money I made from this photo provided me with my first tailor…made suit。 Coat and trousers； four hundred dollars。
I had made one side trip off the superhighway to Baltimore； on my way back to New York； where I checked Berenice's luggage in two lockers inside the Greyhound bus station （including her handbag and traveler's checks； knowing that her mother could use this money someday； if and when the bags were ever claimed）。 Except for this brief stopover； I drove straight through to the city。
There were five message slips in my office telling me to telephone Joseph Cassidy； collect； immediately； so I called him before I did anything else。
〃Did you get the picture？〃 he asked。
〃Yes； of course。〃
〃Good！ Good！ Hold it for a few days before sending it down。 I want to get Mr。 Debierue settled in a good nursing home； you see…he doesn't know that you have the painting； does he？〃
〃No； and it'll be better if he doesn't。 I've mentioned it in my article； although I won't run a photograph of it。 Before sending it to Palm Beach I intend to take some good color plates of The Burnt Orange Heresy for eventual publication； if you get what I mean 。 。 。〃
〃Naturally…is that the title； The Burnt Orange Heresy？ That's great！〃
〃Yeah。 It'll probably have an additional title； too。 Self…portrait。〃
〃Jesus…James； I can hardly wait to see it！〃
〃Just let me know when； Mr。 Cassidy； and I'll send it down to you air express。〃
〃Don't worry； I'll call you。 And listen； James； I'm not going to forget this。 When the time es to exhibit it； you've got an exclusive to cover the opening。〃
〃Thanks。〃
〃My problem right now is to persuade Debierue to enter a rest home。 He's much too old to take care of himself。 If he had been asleep when the fire started； he would've been killed you know。 And when I think of those paintings that went up in smoke…Jesus！〃
〃Did he tell you anything about them？〃
〃Not a word。 You know how he is。 And nothing seems to faze him。 He spends most of his time just sitting around watching old movies on TV and drinking orange juice。 He can do that in a rest home。 Well； you'll hear from me。 This is a long distance call； you know。〃
〃Sure。 Later。〃
He didn't call me again； however。 He sent me a special delivery letter after he had settled Debierue in the Regal Pines Nursing Home； near Melbourne； Florida。 I sent Cassidy the painting； air express collect； although I had to pay the insurance fee； in advance； before they would agree to send it collect。
The critical reaction to my article； when it appeared in Fine Arts： The Americas； followed the pattern I had anticipated。 Canaday； in the Times； had reservations。 Perreault； in The Village Voice； was enthusiastic； and there was a short two…paragraph item in The L。A。 Free Press remending the article to would…be revolutionary painters in Southern California。 This was more newspaper coverage than I expected。
My real concern was with the concentric ripples in the art journals and critical quarterlies。 This reaction was slow in ing； because a lot of thought had to be put into them。 The best single article； which set off a long string of letters in the correspondence department； appeared in Spectre； and was written by Pierre Montrand。 A French chauvinist； he saw Debierue's 〃American Harvest〃 period as a socialistic rejection of DeGaullism。 This was an absurd idea； but beautifully expressed； and controversial as hell。
With my photograph of Debierue； many newspapers printed sketchy accounts of Debierue's mysterious immigration to the United States； but I kept my promise to Cassidy and the old man。 I never divulged Debierue's Florida address after Cassidy had him admitted under a false name to the Regal Pines Nursing Home； and Cassidy had covered his tracks so well the reporters never found him。 I mailed Debierue the tearsheets of my article； a dozen 8〃 x 10〃 photographs of the burning newspaper shot； and an autographed copy of my book； Art and the Preschool Child。 He didn't acknowledge the package； but I knew that he received it because I had mailed it Return Receipt Requested。
For the first week after my return to New York I bought a daily copy of the Atlanta Journal…Constitution （it 〃covers Dixie like the dew〃）； and searched through the pages to see if there was any mention of a body being found near Valdosta。 But I disliked the newspaper； and searching for such news every day was making me morbid。 I quit buying the paper。 If they found her； they found her； and there was nothing I could do about it。 Inevitably； though； a reaction appeared in my psyche； caused； naturally enough； by the death of Berenice。 It wasn't that my conscience bothered me； although that was a part of my reaction。 It was a second…thought overlap of self…doubt； a feeling of ambivalence that vitiated my value judgments of the new work I witnessed。 I overcame this feeling； or overreaction； by partmentalizing Debierue in a corner of my mind。 I was able to rid myself of my ambivalence by setting Debierue apart from other artists as a 〃one…of…a…kind〃 painter； and by not considering him in connection with the mainstream of contemporary art。 It didn't take too many weeks before I adjusted to this mental suggestion。 I was able to function normally again on my regular critical assignments。
My reputation as a critic didn't soar； but my workload doubled and； with it； my ine。 Tom Russell gave me a fifty…dollar raise； which brought me up to four fifty a month at the magazine。 My lecture fee was raised； and I gave more lectures； including a lecture at Columbia on 〃New Trends in Contemporary Art〃 to the art majors…and the Fine Arts Department paid me a six…hundred…dollar lecture fee。 To lecture in my old school； where I had once been a povertystricken graduate student； was perhaps the high point of the entire year。
My agent unloaded some older； unsold articles I had written months before…two of them to art magazines which had earlier rejected them。
I had always done a certain amount of jury work； judging art shows for 〃expenses only；〃 and more often without any pensation at all。 I now began to receive some decent cash offers to judge and hang important exhibits at major museums。 On a jury show I served on at Hartford； there was a Herb Westcott painting entered in the show。 Westcott had changed his style to Romantic Realism； and his fine； almost delicate draftsmanship was well suited to the new style。 The Hartford show had an antipollution theme； and Westcott had painted an enormous blowup of a 1925 postcard view of Niagara Falls。 The painting wasn't in the First Prize category； but I was able to persuade the other jury members （the museum director and Maury Katz； a hardedge painter） to tag Westcott's painting with an honorable mention and a thousand…dollar purchase prize。 I had treated Westcott rather shabbily in Palm Beach； running out on him and his show at Gloria's Gallery； and it pleased me to give