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He would hear the smothered tears in my voice； I thought。 He would think me crazy。
'If it's of any use to you；' he said； 'she felt like that about you； too。 You made her last week a good one。 She wanted to live to find out what happened。 One of the last things she said was。。。 〃I don't want to go before the end of the story。 I want to see that invisible young man。。。 〃 She was slipping away。。。 all the time。'
Do not go gentle into that good night；
Old age should burn and rave at close of day：
Rage； rage against the dying of the light。。。
'Tor？' Bill said。
'I'm so very sorry；' I said with more control。 'So sorry。'
'Thank you。'
'I don't suppose。。。' I said； and paused； feeling helpless。
'You suppose wrong；' he replied instantly。 'I've been waiting here for you to phone。 We would both fail her if we didn't go straight on。 I've had hours to think this out。 The last thing she would want would be for us to give up。 So I'll start things off by telling you we've had a telex from Filmer announcing that he is the sole owner of Laurentide Ice； but we are going to inform him that the Ontario Racing mission are rescinding his licence to own horses。 We're also telling him he won't be admitted to the President's lunch at Exhibition Park。'
'I'd。。。 er。。。 like to do it differently；' I said。
'How do you mean？'
I sighed deeply and talked to him also for a long time。 He listened as the Brigadier had； with intermittent throat noises； and at the end he said simply； 'I do wish she'd been alive to hear all this。'
'Yes； so do I。'
'Well；' he paused。 'I'll go along with it。 The real problem is time。'
'Mm。'
'You'd better talk to Mercer Lorrimore yourself。'
'But。。。'
'No buts。 You're there。 I can't get there until tomorrow late afternoon； not with all you want me to do here。 Talk to Mercer without delay； you don't want him ing back to Toronto。'
I said with reluctance； 'All right。' But I had known that I would have to。
'Good。 Use all the authority you need。 Val and I will back you。'
Thank you。。。 very much。'
'See you tomorrow；' he said。
I put the receiver down slowly。 Death could be colossally unfair； one knew that； but rage； rage。。。 I felt anger for' her as much as grief。 Do not go gentle into that good night 。。。 I thought it probable； if I remembered right； that the last word she'd said to me was 'Good night'。 Good night dear； dear Mrs Baudelaire。 Go gentle。 Go sweetly into that good night。
I sat for a while without energy； feeling the lack of sleep； feeling the nagging pain； feeling the despondency her death had opened the door to： feeling unequal to the next two days； even though I'd set them up myself。
With an effort； after an age I got through to the Four Seasons Hotel and asked for Mercer； but found myself talking to Nell。
'All the calls are being rerouted to me；' she said。 'Bambi is lying down。 Mercer and Xanthe are on their way to Hope in the helicopter； which was reordered for him； so that he can identify Sheridan's body which is being taken there by road。'
'It all sounds so clinical。'
'The authorities want to make sure it's Sheridan before they make any arrangements。'
'When will Mercer and Xanthe be back； do you know？'
'About six； they expected。'
'Urn。。。 the Jockey Club asked me to fix up a brief meeting。 Do you think Mercer would agree to that？'
'He's being terrifically helpful to everyone。 Almost too calm。'
I thought things over。 'Can you get hold of him in Hope？'
She hesitated。 'Yes； I suppose so。 I have the address and the phone number of where he was going； but I think it's a police station。。。 or a mortuary。'
'Could you。。。 could you tell him that on their return to the hotel； a car will be waiting to take him straight on to a brief meeting with the jockey Club？ Tell him the Jockey Club send their sincere condolences and ask for just a little of his time。'
'I guess I could；' she said doubtfully。 'What about Xanthe？'
'Mercer alone；' I said positively。
'Is it important？' she asked； and I could imagine her frowning。
'I think it's important for Mercer。'
'All right。' She made up her mind。 'Xanthe can take the phone calls for her mother； then； because I have to go to this cocktail party。' A thought struck her。 'Aren't some of the Jockey Club ing to the party？'
'Mercer won't want to go。 They want a quiet talk with him alone。'
'OK then； I'll try to arrange it。'
'Very many thanks；' I said fervently。 'I'll call back to check。'
I called back at five o'clock。 The helicopter was in the air on its way back； Nell said； and Mercer had agreed to being picked up at the hotel。
'You're brilliant。'
'Tell the Jockey Club not to keep him long。 He'll be tired 。。。 and he's identified Sheridan。'
'I could kiss you；' I said。 'The way to a man's heart is through his travel agent。'
She laughed。 'Always supposing that's where one wants to go。'
She put her receiver down with a delicate click。 I did not want to lose her； I thought。
The car I sent for Mercer picked him up successfully and brought him to the Hyatt； the chauffeur telling him； as requested； the room to go straight up to。 He rang the doorbell of the suite I'd engaged more or less in his honour； and I opened the door to let him in。
He came in about two paces and then stopped and peered with displeasure at my face。
'What is this？' he demanded with growing anger； preparing to depart。
I closed the door behind him。
'I work for the Jockey Club；' I said。 'The British Jockey Club。 I am seconded here with the Canadian Jockey Club for the duration of the race train Celebration of Canadian Racing。'
'But you're。。。。 you're。。。'
'My name is Tor Kelsey；' I said。 'It was judged better that I didn't go openly on the train as a sort of security agent for the Jockey Club； so I went as a waiter。'
He looked me over。 Looked at the rich young owner's good suit that I'd put on for the occasion。 Looked at the expensive room。
'My God；' he said weakly。 He took a few paces forward。 'Why am I here？'
'I work for Brigadier Valentine Catto in England；' I said； 'and Bill Baudelaire over here。 They are the heads of the Jockey Club Security Services。'
He nodded。 He knew them。
'As they cannot be here； they have both given me their authority to speak to you on their behalf。'
'Yes； but。。。 what about？'
'Would you sit down？ Would you like。。。 a drink？'
He looked at me with a certain dry humour。 'Do you have any identification？'
'Yes。' I fetched my passport。 He opened it。 Looked at my name； at my likeness； and at my occupation： investigator。
He handed it back。 'Yes； I'll have a drink；' he said； 'as you're so good at serving them。 Cognac if possible。'
I opened the cupboard that the hotel had supplied at my request with wine； vodka； Scotch and brandy； and poured the amount I knew he'd like； even adding the heretical ice。 He took the glass with a twist of a smile； and sat in one of the armchairs。
'No one guessed about you；' he said。 'No one came anywhere near it。' He took a sip reflectively。 'Why were you on the train？'
'I was sent because of one of the passengers。 Because of Julius Filmer。'
The ease that had been growing in him fled abruptly。 He put the glass down on the table beside him and stared at me。
'Mr Lorrimore；' I said； sitting down opposite him； 'I am sorry about your son。 Truly sorry。 All of the Jockey Club send their sympathy。 I think though that I should tell you straight away that Brigadier Catto； Bill Baudelaire and myself all know about the。。。 er。。。 incident。。。 of the cats。'
He looked deeply shocked。 'You can't know！ '
'I imagine that Julius Filmer knows also。'
He made a hopeless gesture with one hand。 'However did he find out？'
The Brigadier is working on that in England。'
'And how did you find out？'
'Not from anyone you swore to silence。'
'Not from the college？'
'No。'
He covered his face briefly with one hand。
'Julius Filmer may still suggest you give him Voting Right in exchange for his keeping quiet；' I said。
He lowered the hand to his throat and closed his eyes。 'I've thought of that；' he said。 He opened his eyes again。 'Did you see the last scene of the mystery？'
'Yes；' I said。
'I haven't known what to do。。。 since then。'
'It's you who has to decide；' I said。 'But。。。 can I tell you a few things？'
He gave a vague gesture of assent； and I talked to him； also； for quite a long time。 He listened with total concentration； mostly watching my face。 People who were repudiating in their minds every word one said didn't look at one's face but at the floor； or at a table； at anything else。 I knew； by the end； that he would do what I was asking； and I was grateful because it wouldn't be easy for him。
When I'd finished； he said thoughtfully； 'That mystery was no coincidence； was it？ The father blackmailed because of his child's crime； the groom murdered because he knew too much； the man who would kill himself if he couldn't keep his racehorses。。。 Did you write it yourself？'
'All that part； yes。 Not from the beginning。'
He smiled faintly。 'You showed me what I was doing 。。。 was prepared to do。 But beyond that。。。 you showed Sheridan。'
'I wondered；' I said。
'Did you？ Why？'
'He looked different afterwards。 He had changed。'
Mercer said； 'How could you see that？'
'It's my job。'
He looked startled。 'There isn't such a job。'
'Yes；' I said； 'there is。'
'Explain；' he said。
'I watch。。。 for things that aren't what they were； and try to understand； and find out why。'
'All the time？'
I nodded。 'Yes。'
He drank his brandy thoughtfully。 'What change did you see in Sheridan？'
I hesitated。 'I just thought that things had shifted in his mind。 Like seeing something from a different perspective。 A sort of revelation。 I didn't know if it would last。'
'It might not have done。'
'No。'
'He said；' Mercer said；' 〃Sorry； Dad。 〃 '
It was my turn to stare。
'He said it before he went out on to the platform。' Mercer swallowed with difficulty and eventually went on。 'He had been so quiet。 I couldn't sleep。 I went out to the saloon about dawn； and he was sitting there。 I asked him what was the matter； and he said； 〃I fucked things up； didn't I？〃 We all knew he had。 It wasn't anything new。 But it was the first time he'd said so。 I tried。。。 I tried to fort him； to say we would stand by him； no matter what。 He knew about Filmer's threat； you know。 Filmer said in front of all of us that he knew about the cats。' He looked unseeingly over his glass。 'It wasn't the only time it had happened。 Sheridan killed two cats like that in our garden when he was fourteen。 We got therapy for him。。。。 They said it was the upheaval of adolescence。' He paused。 'One psychiatrist said Sheridan was psychopathic； he couldn't help what he did 。。。 but he could； really； most of the time。 He could help being discourteous； but he thought being rich gave him the right。。。 I told him it didn't。'
'Why did you send him to Cambridge？' I asked。
'My father was there； and established a scholarship。 They gave it to Sheridan as thanks…as a gift。 He couldn't concentrate long enough to get into college otherwise。 But then。。。 the Master of the college said they couldn't keep him； scholarship or not； and I understood。。。 of course they couldn't。 We thought he would be all right there。。。 we so hoped he would。'
They'd spent a lot of hope on Sheridan； I thought。
'I don't know if he meant to jump this morning when he went out on the platform；' Mercer said。 'I don't know if it was just an impulse。 He gave way to impulses very easily。 Unreasonable impulses。。。 almost insane； sometimes。'
'It was seductive； out there；' I said。 'Easy to jump。'
Mercer looked at me gratefully。 'Did you feel it？'
'Sort of。'
'Sheridan's revelation lasted until this morning；' he said。
'Yes；' I said。 'I saw。。。 when I brought your tea。'
'The waiter。。。 'He shook his head； still surprised。
'I'd be grateful；' I said； 'if you don't tell anyone else about the waiter。'
'Why not？'
'Because most of my work depe