按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
ertain tha~t he won't check on me。 Don't worry； darling。 Take me to bed。 Nowf'
He did so。
When they were quiet； she sighed happily and said； lips against his ear； arms and legs around him： 〃Theodore； even
in this you are so much like my husband that I can barely wait till the war is over to tell him all about you。〃
〃You've decided to tell him？〃
〃Beloved Theodore； there was never a doubt that I would。 I softened some of what I told you tonight and left out a little。 Brian does not require me to confess。 But it does not upset him； we settled that fifteen years ago。 He convinced me that he really does trust my judgment and my taste。〃 Very softly but merrily she giggled against his ear。 〃It's a shame that …I so seldom have anything to confess； he enjoys hå my adventures。 He has me tell him about them over and over…like rereading a favorite book。 I wish I could tell him this one tomorrow night。 But I won't； I'll save it。〃
〃He's ing home tomorrow？〃
〃Late。 Quite late。 Which is just as well； as I don't expect to get any sleep once he arrives。〃 She chuckled softly。 〃He told me on the telephone to 'b。 1。 b。 a。 w。 y。 1。 o。' and he would 'w。 y。 t。 b。 w。' That means： Be in bed asleep with my legs open and…he will wake me the best way。 But I just pretend to be asleep as I wake up no matter how quietly he tiptoes in。'；
She gave a tiny giggle。 〃Then we have a happy little game。 As he enters me； I pretend to wake up and call him by name…but never his name。 I moan； 'Oh； Albert； darling； I thought you would never e！' or some such。 Then it's his turn。 He says something like； 'This is Buffalo Bill； Mrs。 O'Malley。 Hush up and get busy！' Then I hush up and do the best I know how； not another word until we both ex… plode。〃 …
〃Your best is superb； Mrs。 O'MaIley。 Or was ？hat your best？〃
〃I tried to make it my best…Buffalo Bill。 But I was so dreadfully excited that I got all blurry so it probably was not。 I'd like a chance to do better。 Are you going to give me one？〃 …
〃Only if you promise not to do better。 Darling； if that was not your best； then your best would kill me。〃
〃You not only talk like； my husband and feel like him… especially here…but you even smell like him。〃
〃You smell like Tamara。〃
〃Do I really？ Do I make love like her？〃
（Tamara knows a thousand ways； darling； but rarely … uses anything unusual…lovemaking is not technique； dear； it's an attitude。 Wanting to make someone happy； which you do。
But you startled me with your mand of technique； you would fetch a high price on Iskander。）
〃You do。 But that's not what makes you so much …like her。 Uh； it's your attitude。 Tamara knows what is going on in another person's mind and gives him exactly what he needs。 Wants to give it。〃
〃She's a mindreader？ Then Fm not like her； after all。〃
〃No； she's not a mindreader。 But she feels a person's emotions and knows what he needs and gives him that。 It might not be sex。 Aren't there times when Brian needs something else？〃 。 …
〃Oh； certainly。 If he's tired and tense； I hold off and rub his back or head。 Or cuddle with him。 Maybe encourage him to nap； and then perhaps he really will wake me 'the best way。' I don't try to eat him alive。 Unless that's what he wants。〃
〃Tamara all over again。 Maureen； when Tamara was healing me； at first she didn't even share a bed with me。 Just slept in the same room and ate with me and listened if I felt like talking。 Then for ten days or so she did sleep with me； but we just slept … 。 and I slept soundly and had no nightmares。 Then one night I woke up； and without a word Tamara took me into her； and we made love the rest of that night。 And next morning I knew I was well…soul…sickness all gone。
〃You are that way； Maureen。 You know； and you do。 I've been very homesick and much troubled by this war。 Now I'm not； you've cured it。 Tell me； what did you feel from me the first night I was in this house？〃
〃Loved you at first sight； like a silly schoolgirl。 Wanted to take you to bed。 I told you so。〃 …
〃Not how you felt…how did I feel？〃
〃Oh。 You had an erection over me。〃
〃Yes； I did。 But I thought I had concealed it。 You noticed？〃
〃Oh； I didn't see a bulge in your trousers or anything like that。 Theodore； I never look down that far； men bee embarrassed so easily。 I simply knew you felt as I did…and I felt like a she dog in heat。 Bitch in heat； I mean…I don't intend to… be prim in bed。 The instant you met my eyes… standing； out in the front hall…I knew we needed each other and I grew terribly excited 。 。 and rushed out into the kitchen tO get myself under ~control。〃
〃You … didn't rush； you moved with smooth grace； like a ship under sail。〃 …
〃That ship was sailing fast； I was rushing。 I got myself under con~trol but not less excited。 More。 My breasts ached and my nipples hurt； all the time you were here。 But that doesn't show。 It would not have mattered had Father noticed my excitement except that he would not have invited you back…and I wanted you to e back。 Father knows what I am； he told me so when he was helping me。 He told
… me to face up to what I am and be happy with it…but that I must learn never to let my ruttiness show； things being the way they are。 I've tried…but that night it was very hard not to show it。〃
〃You succeeded。〃…
〃Brian tells me that I don't show it。 But that night was so difficult。 I… Theodore； there is something boys do…and sometimes men…when they're terribly frustrated。 With their hands。〃
〃Certainly。 Masturbation。 Boys call it 'jacking off。'〃
〃So Brian says。 But perhaps you don't know that… girls… and women…can do something like it？〃
〃I do know。 For a lonely person of either sex； it's a harmless but inadequate substitute。〃
〃'Harmless but inadequate…' Quite inadequate。 But I'm glad you think it's harmless。 Because I went upstairs and took a bath…I needed one although I had bathed before？supper。 And did it； in the tub。 And went to bed and stared at the ceiling。 Then got up and locked the door and took off my nightgown…and did it and did it and did it！ Thinking about you； Theodore； every instant。 Your voice； how you smelled； the touch of your hand on mine。 But it took at least an hour before I was relaxed enough to sleep。〃
（It took me even longer； dear； and I should have used your direct therapy。 But I was punishing myself for being a fool。 Off my trolley； dearest one； as I know it is never foolish to love。 But I didn't see how we could ever show our love。） 〃I wish I could have been there； darling…because a mile or two away I was aching with it…thinking of you。〃
〃Theodore； I hoped you felt that way。 I needed you so and hoped that you needed me just as much。 But the best I could do was lock my door and do that~ and think about you； with nobody around but Ethel in hei crib and her too young to notice。 Oops！ I lost you。 Oh； dear！〃
第81节
〃You haven't lost me； just that wee bit of proud flesh。 Which will recover soon； you promised me a second chance。 Change position？ Shoulder pillow？ Left； or right？ I shouldn't
have kept my weight on you so long； but I didn't want to move。〃 …
〃I didn't want you to move as long as I could keep even a little of you in me。 You aren't too heavy； my hips are broad； and you let a woman breathe； sir。 Put me on either side； whichever you prefer。〃
〃Like this？〃
〃That's fy。 Oh； Theodore； this doesn't feel like our first time； I feel as if I had loved you forever and you had e back to …me at last。〃
（Let's get away from that subject； Mama Maureen。） 〃I'll go on loving you forever； my darling。〃
（Omitted）
〃…told her bluntly that he would not marry her if she made any fuss over his joining the Army when he didn't have to。〃 …
〃What did Nancy tell him？'
〃She told him that she had been waiting to hear that； so now get her pregnant at once so they could have a few days' honeymoon before he joined up。 Nancy feels as strongly about warriors as her mother … does。 She came into my bedroom that night and told me what she had done； slightly teary but not worried over having jumped the gun。
〃So we cried happy tears； and I cleared the matter with Brian and the Weatherals； and Nancy missed her next period
…this was a month ago…and the wedding may be day after tomorrow or perhaps the day after that。〃
（Omitted） …
〃Darling； I wish I could see you。〃
〃Oh； dear！ I'd rather not turn on the Mazda lamp； Theodore。 These blinds are not so tight but what light would shine Out； as well as light under the door if by any chance Father came downstairs。〃
〃Maureen； I will never ask you to take any chance you don't like。 I see you quite well with my fingertips…and these are not broken down。〃
〃They flow off my ribs like melted marshmallows。 Theogore； when you open that package； please be very … careful that no one … is around； there is more in it than a pair of garters。〃 … …
〃I did open it。〃…
〃Then you know what I look like。〃
〃Was that beautiful girl you？〃
〃Tease。 Brian had me look straight at his camera。〃
〃But； darling； while you don't look down that far； men don't tend to look up very far。 Especially me。 Not when I'm looking at a photograph of a perfectly gorgeous nude model。〃
〃'Nude model；' my best Sunday hat！〃…
〃Maureen； it is the loveliest picture I have ever owned and I will cherish it always。〃
〃That's better and I don't believe it and I love hearing it。 Did you open the paper folded in with it？〃
〃The baby curl？ Did you clip it off Marie？'~
〃Theodore； I do not mind being teased； it just makes you more like Brian。 But if he teases too much； 1 bite him。 Anywhere。 Here； for example。〃
'Hey； not so hard！〃
〃Then tell me where that curl came from。〃
〃It came from your pretty； my pretty one； and I'll wear it over my heart forever。 But one reason I wanted to look at you is that you clipped so generous a lock that I worried that Brian might notice something missing…and ask why。〃
〃I can tell him I gave it to the iceman。〃
〃He won't believe that and will be sure that you have a new adventure to confess。〃
…〃Then he won't press me to tell him now； he'll change the subject。 Although I wish I could tell him now； I keep thinking about both of you； outdoors in daylight； that was the fantasy that kept me awake。 Sweetheart； there is a candle on the dresser…electricity not being as dependable as the gas lights we used to have。 It wouldn't throw enough light to worry me。 Y）ou may look at me by candlelight all you wish and as you wish。〃 …
〃Yes； darling！ Matches where？〃
〃Let me go and I'll get up and light it； I can find both in the dark。 Will I be allowed to look at you； too？〃
… 〃Sure。 For contrast。 'Beauty and the Beast。'〃 …
She giggled and kissed his ear。 〃Goat； maybe。 Or a stallion。 Theodore； I needed to be baby…stretched to accept you。〃
〃I thought you said I felt like Brian？〃 …
〃But he is a stallion； too。 Let me go。〃
〃Pay tojl。〃
〃Oh； goodness； darling； don't do that now！ Or I'll be so shaky I won't be able to str…ike a match。〃
Standing and by the light on one candle； they studied each other。 Lazarus felt his breath grow short at the dazzling glory of her。 For most of two years A had been deprived of the
sweet joy of seeing a woman； and had not realized ho starv鏳 he had been for that great privilege。 Darling； can y guess how much this means to me？ Mama Maureen； has one ever told you how much more sweetly beautiful a fu~ blown woman is than a maiden？ Certainly your love breasts have held milk； that's； what they're for。 Why wou
…I want them to look like marble？…I don't！
She studied him just as closely； her face solemn； h nipples crinkled tightly。 Theodore…Lazarus my