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same material； but so far it doesn’t。 Having new ears makes the stories new again。”
“I hear good things about you from Curt。 He says your class is among the most requested at the
university。”
My cheeks warmed a bit at this praise。 “That’s nice to hear。 How is your partner？”
“Curt is wonderful； thank you。 Our hosts are in excellent shape for their ages。 We have many years
ahead of us； I think。”
I was curious if she would stay on this world； if she would move to another human host when the time
came； or if she would leave。 But I didn’t want to ask any questions that might move us into the more
difficult areas of discussion。
“I enjoy teaching；” I said instead。 “It’s somewhat related to my Calling with the See Weeds； so that
makes it easier than something unfamiliar。 I’m indebted to Curt for requesting me。”
“HonoraryProfessor；” I corrected her。
Kathy smiled and then took a deep breath； her smile fading。 “You haven’t been to see me in so long； I
was wondering if your problems were resolving themselves。 But then it occurred to me that perhaps the
reason for your absence was that they were getting worse。”
I stared down at my hands and said nothing。
My hands were light brown—a tan that never faded whether I spent time in the sun or not。 One dark
freckle marked the skin just above my left wrist。 My nails were cut short。 I disliked the feeling of long
nails。 They were unpleasant when they brushed the skin wrong。 And my fingers were so long and
thin—the added length of fingernails made them look strange。 Even for a human。
She cleared her throat after a minute。 “I’m guessing my intuition was right。”
“Kathy。” I said her name slowly。 Stalling。 “Why did you keep your human name？ Did it make you feel…
more at one？ With your host； I mean？” I would have liked to know about Curt’s choice as well； but it
was such a personal question。 It would have been wrong to ask anyone besides Curt for the answer；
even his partner。 I worried that I’d already been too impolite； but she laughed。
“Heavens； no； Wanderer。 Haven’t I told you this？ Hmm。 Maybe not； since it’s not my job to talk； but to
listen。 Most of the souls I speak with don’t need as much encouragement as you do。 Did you know I
came to Earth in one of the very first placements； before the humans had any idea we were here？ I had
human neighbors on both sides。 Curt and I had to pretend to be our hosts for several years。 Even after
we’d settled the immediate area； you never knew when a human might be near。 SoKathy just became
who I was。 Besides； the translation of my former name was fourteen words long and did not shorten
prettily。” She grinned。 The sunlight slanting through the window caught her eyes and sent their silver green
reflection dancing on the wall。 For a moment； the emerald irises glowed iridescent。
I’d had no idea that this soft； cozy woman had been a part of the front line。 It took me a minute to
process that。 I stared at her； surprised and suddenly more respectful。 I’d never taken forters very
seriously—never had a need before now。 They were for those who struggled； for the weak； and it
shamed me to be here。 Knowing Kathy’s history made me feel slightly less awkward with her。 She
understood strength。
“Did it bother you？” I asked。 “Pretending to be one of them？”
“No； not really。 You see； this host was a lot to get used to—there was so much that was new。 Sensory
overload。 Following the set pattern was quite as much as I could handle at first。”
“And Curt… You chose to stay with your host’s spouse？ After it was over？”
This question was more pointed； and Kathy grasped that at once。 She shifted in her seat； pulling her legs
up and folding them under her。 She gazed thoughtfully at a spot just over my head as she answered。
“All very good reasons why Curt and I might have formed an attachment and decided to stay together
when secrecy was no longer necessary。 And I could lie to you； assuage your fears； by telling you that
these were the reasons。 But…” She shook her head and then seemed to settle deeper into her chair； her
eyes boring into me。 “In so many millennia； the humans never did figurelove out。 How much is physical；
how much in the mind？ How much accident and how much fate？ Why did perfect matches crumble and
impossible couples thrive？ I don’t know the answers any better than they did。 Love simply is where it is。
My host loved Curt’s host； and that love did not die when the ownership of the minds changed。”
She watched me carefully； reacting with a slight frown when I slumped in my seat。
“Melanie still grieves for Jared；” she stated。
I felt my head nod without willing the action。
“Yougrieve for him。”
I closed my eyes。
“The dreams continue？”
“Every night；” I mumbled。
“Tell me about them。” Her voice was soft； persuasive。
“I don’t like to think about them。”
“I know。 Try。 It might help。”
“How？ How will it help to tell you that I see his face every time I close my eyes？ That I wake up and cry
when he’s not there？ That the memories are so strong I can’t separate hers from mine anymore？”
I stopped abruptly； clenching my teeth。
Kathy pulled a white handkerchief from her pocket and offered it to me。 When I didn’t move； she got
up； walked over to me； and dropped it in my lap。 She sat on the arm of my chair and waited。
I held on stubbornly for half a minute。 Then I snatched the little square of fabric angrily and wiped my
eyes。
“I hate this。”
“Everybody cries their first year。 These emotions are so impossible。 We’re all children for a bit； whether
we intended that or not。 I used to tear up every time I saw a pretty sunset。 The taste of peanut butter
“Such pretty； shiny hair；” she noted。 “Every time I see you it’s shorter。 Why do you keep it that way？”
Already in tears； I didn’t feel like I had much dignity to defend。 Why claim that it was easier to care for；
as I usually did？ After all； I’d e here to confess and get help—I might as well get on with it。
“It bothersher。 She likes it long。”
She didn’t gasp； as I half expected she would。 Kathy was good at her job。 Her response was only a
second late and only slightly incoherent。
“You… She… she’s still that…present？ ”
The appalling truth tumbled from my lips。 “When she wants to be。 Our history bores her。 She’s more
dormant while I’m working。 But she’s there； all right。 Sometimes I feel like she’s as present as I am。” My
voice was only a whisper by the time I was done。
“Wanderer！” Kathy exclaimed； horrified。 “Why didn’t you tell me it was that bad？ How long has it been
this way？”
“It’s getting worse。 Instead of fading； she seems to be growing stronger。 It’s not as bad as the Healer’s
case yet—we spoke of Kevin； do you remember？ She hasn’t taken control。 She won’t。 I won’t let that
happen！” The pitch of my voice climbed。
“Of course it won’t happen；” she assured me。 “Of course not。 But if you’re this… unhappy； you should
have told me earlier。 We need to get you to a Healer。”
It took me a moment； emotionally distracted as I was； to understand。
“A Healer？ You want me toskip？ ”
“No one would think badly of that choice； Wanderer。 It’s understood； if a host is defective —”
“Defective？She’s not defective。I am。 I’m too weak for this world！” My head fell into my hands as the
humiliation washed through me。 Fresh tears welled in my eyes。
Kathy’s arm settled around my shoulders。 I was struggling so hard to control my wild emotions that I
didn’t pull away； though it felt too intimate。
It bothered Melanie； too。 She didn’t like being hugged by an alien。
Of course Melanie was very much present in this moment； and unbearably smug as I finally admitted to
her power。 She was gleeful。 It was always harder to control her when I was distracted by emotion like
this。
I tried to calm myself so that I would be able to put her in her place。
You are in my place。Her thought was faint but intelligible。 How much worse it was getting； she was
strong enough to speak to me now whenever she wished。 It was as bad as that first minute of
Go away。 It’s my place now。
Never。
“Wanderer； dear； no。 You are not weak； and we both know that。”
“Hmph。”
“Listen to me。 You are strong。 Surprisingly strong。 Our kind are always so much the same； butyou
exceed the norm。 You’re so brave it astonishes me。 Your past lives are a testament to that。”
My past lives maybe； but this life？ Where was my strength now？
“But humans are more individualized than we are；” Kathy went on。 “There’s quite a range； and some of
them are much stronger than others。 I truly believe that if anyone else had been put into this host； Melanie
would have crushed them in days。 Maybe it’s an accident； maybe it’s fate； but it appears to me that the
strongest of our kind is being hosted by the strongest of theirs。”
“Doesn’t say much for our kind； does it？”
She heard the implication behind my words。 “She’s not winning； Wanderer。You are this lovely person
beside me。 She’s just a shadow in the corner of your mind。”
“She speaks to me； Kathy。 She still thinks her own thoughts。 She still keeps her secrets。”
“But she doesn’t speak for you； does she？ I doubt I would be able to say as much in your place。”
I didn’t respond。 I was feeling too miserable。
“I think you should consider reimplantation。”
“Kathy； you just said that she would crush a different soul。 I don’t know if I believe that—you’re
probably just trying to do your job and fort me。 But if sheis so strong； it wouldn’t be fair to hand her
off to someone else because I can’t subdue her。 Who would you choose to take her on？”
“I didn’t say that to fort you； dear。”
“Then what —”
“I don’t think this host would be considered for reuse。”
“Oh！”
A shiver of horror jolted down my spine。 And I wasn’t the only one who was staggered by the idea。
I was immediately repulsed。 I was no quitter。 Through the long revolutions around the suns of my last
planet—the world of the See Weeds； as they were known here—I had waited。 Though the permanence
of being rooted began to wear long before I’d thought it would； though the lives of the See Weeds would
measure in centuries on this planet； I had not skipped out on the life term of my host。 To do so was
But we werenot wasteful。 We did make whatever we took better； more peaceful and beautiful。 And the
humanswere brutish and ungovernable。 They had killed one another so frequently that murder had been
an accepted part of life。 The various tortures they’d devised over the few millennia they’d lasted had
been too much for me； I hadn’t been able to bear even the dry official overviews。 Wars had raged over
the face of nearly every continent。 Sanctioned murder； ordered and viciously effective。 Those who lived
in peaceful nations had looked the other way as members of their own species starved on their doorstep。
There was no equality to the distribution of the planet’s bounteous resources。 Most vile yet； their
offspring—the next generation； which my kind nearly worshipped for their promise—had all too often
been victims of heinous crimes。 And not just at the hands of strangers； but at the hands of the caretakers
they were entrusted to。 Even the huge sphere of the planet had been put into jeopardy through their
careless and greedy mistakes。 No one could pare what had been and what was now and not admit
that Earth was a better place thanks to us。
You murder an entire species and then pat yourselves on the back。
My hands balled up into fists。
I could have you disposed of；I reminded her。
Go ahead。 Make my murder official。
I was bluffing； but so was Melanie。
Oh； she thought she wanted to die。 She’d thrown herself into the elevator shaft； after all。 But that was in
a moment of panic and defeat。 To consider it calmly from a fortable chair was something else
altogether。 I could feel the adrenaline—adrenaline called into being by her fea