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me。 “It will be slower this way； though。 It would be more humane if you were to find that gun fast。”
“Please； Jared； let’s talk；” Ian said； planting his feet firmly as he spoke； already knowing the answer。
“I think there’s been too much talk；” Jared growled。 “Jeb left this up to me； and I’ve made my decision。”
Jeb cleared his throat noisily。 Jared spun halfway around to look at him again。
“What？” he demanded。 “You made the rule； Jeb。”
“Well； now； that’s true。”
Jared turned back toward me。 “Ian； get out of my way。”
“Well； well； hold on a sec；” Jeb went on。 “If you recall； the rule was that whoever the body belonged to
got to make the decision。”
A vein in Jared’s forehead pulsed visibly。 “And？”
“Seems to me like there’s someone here with a claim just as strong as yours。 Mebbe stronger。”
Jared stared straight ahead； processing this。 After a slow moment； understanding furrowed his brow。 He
All the joy had drained from Jamie’s face； leaving it pale and horrorstruck。
“You can’t； Jared；” he choked。 “You wouldn’t。 Wanda’s good。 She’s my friend！ And Mel！ What about
Mel？ You can’t kill Mel！ Please！ You have to —” He broke off； his expression agonized。
I closed my eyes again； trying to block the picture of the suffering boy from my mind。 It was already
almost impossible not to go to him。 I locked my muscles in place； promising myself that it wouldn’t help
him if I moved now。
“So；” Jeb said； his tone far too conversational for the moment； “you can see that Jamie’s not in
agreement。 I figure he’s got as much say as you do。”
There was no answer for so long that I had to open my eyes again。
Jared was staring at Jamie’s anguished； fearful face with his own kind of horror。
“How could you let this happen； Jeb？” he whispered。
“Thereis a need for some talk；” Jeb answered。 “Why don’t you take a breather first； though？ Maybe
you’ll feel more up to conversation after a bath。”
Jared glared balefully at the old man； his eyes full of the shock and pain of the betrayed。 I had only
human parisons for such a look。 Caesar and Brutus； Jesus and Judas。
The unbearable tension lasted through another long minute； and then Jared shook Jamie’s fingers off his
arm。
“Kyle；” Jared barked； turning and stalking out of the room。
Kyle gave his brother a parting grimace and followed。
The other dirty members of the expedition went after them silently； Paige tucked securely under Andy’s
arm。
Most of the other humans； all those who had hung their heads in shame for admitting me into their
society； shuffled out behind them。 Only Jamie； Jeb； and Ian beside me； and Trudy； Geoffrey； Heath； Lily；
Wes； and Walter stayed。
No one spoke until the echoes of their footsteps faded away into silence。
“Whew！” Ian breathed。 “That was close。 Nice thinking； Jeb。”
“Inspiration in desperation。 But we’re not out of the woods yet；” Jeb answered。
“Don’t I know it！ You didn’t leave the gun anywhere obvious； did you？”
“Nope。 I figured this might be in’ on soon。”
“That’s something； at least。”
“It’s okay；” I lied in a whisper。 “It’s okay。” I knew even a fool would hear the false note in my voice；
and Jamie was not a fool。
“He won’t hurt you；” Jamie said thickly； struggling against the tears I could see in his eyes。 “I won’t let
him。”
“Shh；” I murmured。
I was appalled—I could feel that my face was fixed in lines of horror。 Jared was right—howcould Jeb
have let this happen？ If they’d killed me the first day here； before Jamie had ever seen me… Or that first
week； while Jared kept me isolated from everyone； before Jamie and I had bee friends… Or if I had
just kept my mouth shut about Melanie… It was too late for all that。 My arms tightened around the child。
Melanie was just as aghast。My poor baby。
Itoldyou it was a bad idea to tell him everything； I reminded her。
What will it do to him now； when we die？
It’s going to be terrible。 He’ll be traumatized and scarred and devastated —
Melanie interrupted me。Enough。 I know； I know。 But what can we do？
Not die； I suppose。
Melanie and I thought about the likelihood of our survival and felt despair。
Ian thumped Jamie on the back—I could feel the motion reverberate through both our bodies。
“Don’t agonize over it； kid；” he said。 “You’re not in this alone。”
“They’re just shocked； that’s all。” I recognized Trudy’s alto voice behind me。 “Once we get a chance to
explain； they’ll see reason。”
“See reason？ Kyle？” someone hissed almost unintelligibly。
“We knew this was ing；” Jeb muttered。 “Just got to weather it。 Storms pass。”
“Maybe you ought to find that gun；” Lily suggested calmly。 “Tonight might be a long one。 Wanda can
stay with Heidi and me —”
“I think it might be better to keep her somewhere else；” Ian disagreed。 “Maybe in the southern tunnels？
I’ll keep an eye on her。 Jeb； wanna lend me a hand？”
“They wouldn’t look for her with me。” Walter’s offer was just a whisper。
“No；” I finally managed to choke out。 “No。 That’s not right。 You shouldn’t fight with each other。 You all
belong here。 You belong together。 Not fighting； not because of me。”
I pulled Jamie’s arms from around my waist； holding his wrists when he tried to stop me。
“I just need a minute to myself；” I told him； ignoring all the stares I could feel on my face。 “I need to be
alone。” I turned my head to find Jeb。 “And you should have a chance to discuss this without me listening。
It’s not fair—having to discuss strategy in front of the enemy。”
“Now； don’t be like that；” Jeb said。
“Let me have some time to think； Jeb。”
I stepped away from Jamie； dropping his hands。 A hand fell on my shoulder； and I cringed。
It was just Ian。 “It’s not a good idea for you to be wandering around by yourself。”
I leaned toward him and tried to pitch my voice so low that Jamie wouldn’t hear me clearly。 “Why
prolong the inevitable？ Will it get easier or harder for him？”
I thought I knew the answer to my last question。 I ducked under Ian’s hand and broke into a run；
sprinting for the exit。
“Wanda！” Jamie called after me。
Someone quickly shushed him。 There were no footsteps behind me。 They must have seen the wisdom of
letting me go。
The hall was dark and deserted。 If I was lucky； I’d be able to cut around the edge of the big garden
plaza in the dark with no one the wiser。
In all my time here； the one thing I’d never found was the way out。 It seemed as if I’d been down every
tunnel time and again； and I’d never seen an opening I hadn’t eventually explored in search of one thing
or another。 I thought about it now as I crept through the deepest shadowed corners of the big cave。
Where could the exit be？ And I thought about this： if I could figure that puzzle out； would I be able to
leave？
I couldn’t think of anything worth leaving for—certainly not the desert waiting outside； but also not the
Seeker； not the Healer； not my forter； not my life before； which had left such a shallow impression
on me。 Everything that really mattered was with me here。 Jamie。 Though he would kill me； Jared。 I
couldn’t imagine walking away from either of them。
And Jeb。 Ian。 I had friends now。 Doc； Trudy； Lily； Wes； Walter； Heath。 Strange humans who could
overlook what I was and see something they didn’t have to kill。 Maybe it was just curiosity； but
regardless of that； they were willing to side with me against the rest of their tight…knit family of survivors。 I
shook my head in wonder as I traced the rough rock with my hands。
I could hear others in the cavern； on the far side from me。 I didn’t pause； they could not see me here；
and I’d just found the crevice I was looking for。
CHAPTER 27
Undecided
Ifelt my way back to my prison hole。
It had been weeks and weeks since I’d been down this particular corridor； I hadn’t been back since the
morning after Jared had left and Jeb had set me free。 It seemed to me that while I lived and Jared was in
the caves； this must be where I belonged。
There was no dim light to greet me now。 I was fairly sure I was in the last leg—the turns and twists were
still vaguely familiar。 I let my left hand drag against the wall as low as I could reach； feeling for the
opening as I crept forward。 I wasn’t decided on crawling backinside the cramped hole； but at least it
would give me a reference point； letting me know that I was where I meant to be。
As it happened； I didn’t have the option of inhabiting my cell again。
In the same moment that my fingers brushed the rough edge at the top of the hole； my foot hit an
obstacle and I stumbled； falling to my knees。 I threw my hands out to catch myself； and they landed with
a crunch and a crackle； breaking through something that wasn’t rock and didn’t belong here。
The sound startled me； the unexpected object frightened me。 Perhaps I’d made a wrong turn and wasn’t
anywhere near my hole。 Perhaps I was in someone’s living space。 I ran through the memory of my recent
journey in my head； wondering how I could have gotten so turned about。 Meanwhile； I listened for some
reaction to my crashing fall； holding absolutely still in the darkness。
There was nothing—no reaction； no sound。 It was only dark and stuffy and humid； as it always was； and
so silent that I knew I must be alone。
Carefully； trying to make as little noise as possible； I took stock of my surroundings。
My hands were stuck in something。 I pulled them free； tracing the contours of what felt like a cardboard
box—a cardboard box with a sheet of thin； crackly plastic on top that my hands had fallen through。 I felt
around inside the box and found a layer of more crackly plastic—small rectangles that made a lot of
noise when I handled them。 I retreated quickly； afraid of drawing attention to myself。
I remembered that I’d thought I’d found the top of the hole。 I searched to my left and found more stacks
of cardboard squares on that side。 I tried to find the top of the stack and had to stand in order to do
so—it was as high as my head。 I searched until I found the wall； and then the hole； exactly where I’d
thought it was。 I tried to climb in to ascertain if it really was the same place—one second on that bowed
floor and I would know it for certain—but I could not get any farther than the opening。 It； too； was
crammed full of boxes。
Stymied； I explored with my hands； moving back out into the hall。 I found I could go no deeper down
the passageway； it was entirely filled with the mysterious cardboard squares。
Suddenly； it all came clear。 It was the smell that did it。 As I played with the sand…like material inside the
bag； I got an unexpected whiff of a familiar scent。 It took me back to my bare kitchen in San Diego； to
the low cupboard on the left side of the sink。 In my head I could see so clearly the bag of uncooked rice；
the plastic measuring cup I used to dole it out； the rows of canned food behind it…
Once I realized that I was touching a bag of rice； I understood。 Iwas in the right place after all。 Hadn’t
Jeb said they used this place for storage？ And hadn’t Jared just returned from a long raid？ Now
everything the raiders had stolen in the weeks they’d been gone was dumped in this out…of…the…way place
until it could be used。
Many thoughts ran through my head at once。
First； I realized that I was surrounded by food。 Not just rough bread and weak onion soup； butfood。
Somewhere in this stack； there could be peanut butter。 Chocolate chip cookies。 Potato chips。Cheetos。
Even as I imagined finding these things； tasting them again； being full for the first time since I’d left
civilization； I felt guilty for thinking of it。 Jared hadn’t risked his life and spent weeks hiding and stealing to
feedme。 This food was for others。
I also worried that perhaps this wasn’t the entire haul。 What if they had more boxes to stow？ Would
Jared and Kyle be the ones to bring them？ It didn’t take any imagination at all to pict