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alone。 Less humiliating。
I curled up on the mat； pressing my face against the musty fabric。 I wasn’t sleepy； but I was tired。 The
crushing weight of Jared’s rejection was so heavy it exhausted me。 I closed my eyes and tried to think
about things that wouldn’t make my stinging eyes tear again。 Anything but the appalled look on Jared’s
face when he’d broken away from me…
What was Jamie doing now？ Did he know I was here； or was he looking for me？ Ian would be asleep
for a long time； he’d looked so exhausted。 Would Kyle wake soon？ Would he e in search？ Where
was Jeb？ I hadn’t seen him all day。 Was Doc really drinking himself unconscious？ That seemed so unlike
him…
I woke slowly； roused by my growling stomach。 I lay quietly for a few minutes； trying to orient myself。
My stomach wouldn’t be ignored for long； though； and I rolled up onto my knees。 I must have slept for a
while to be this hungry—missed a meal or two。
I considered eating something from the supply pile in the hole—after all； I’d already damaged pretty
much everything； maybe destroyed some。 But that only made me feel guiltier about the idea of taking
more。 I’d go scavenge some rolls from the kitchen。
I was feeling a little hurt； on top of all the big hurt； that I’d been down here so long without anyone
ing to look for me—what a vain attitude； why should anyone care what happened to me？—so I was
relieved and appeased to find Jamie sitting in the doorway to the big garden； his back turned on the
human world behind him； unmistakably waiting for me。
My eyes brightened； and so did his。 He scrambled to his feet； relief washing over his features。
“You’re okay；” he said； I wished he were right。 He began to ramble。 “I mean； I didn’t think Jared was
lying； but he said he thought you wanted to be alone； and Jeb said I couldn’t go check on you and that I
had to stay right here where he could see that I wasn’t sneaking back there； but even though I didn’t
think you were hurt or anything； it was hard to not know for sure； you know？”
“I’m fine；” I told him。 But I held my arms out； seeking fort。 He threw his arms around my waist； and
I was shocked to find that his head could rest on my shoulder while we stood。
“Your eyes are red；” he whispered。 “Was he mean to you？”
“No。” After all； people weren’t intentionally cruel to lab rats—they were just trying to get information。
“Whatever you said to him； I think he believes us now。 About Mel； I mean。 How does she feel？”
“She’s glad about that。”
He nodded； pleased。 “How about you？”
I hesitated； looking for a factual response。 “Telling the truth is easier for me than trying to hide it。”
My evasion seemed to answer the question enough to satisfy him。
Behind him； the light in the garden was red and fading。 The sun had already set on the desert。
“I’m hungry；” I told him； and I pulled away from our hug。
“I knew you would be。 I saved you something good。”
I sighed。 “Bread’s fine。”
“Let it go； Wanda。 Ian says you’re too self…sacrificing for your own good。”
I made a face。
“I think he’s got a point；” Jamie muttered。 “Even if we all want you here； you don’t belong until you
“I can’t ever belong。 And nobody really wants me here； Jamie。”
“I do。”
I didn’t fight with him； but he was wrong。 Not lying； because he believed what he was saying。 But what
he really wanted was Melanie。 He didn’t separate us the way he should。
Trudy and Heidi were baking rolls in the kitchen and sharing a bright green； juicy apple。 They took turns
taking bites。
“It’s good to see you； Wanda；” Trudy said sincerely； covering her mouth while she spoke because she
was still chewing her last bite。 Heidi nodded in greeting； her teeth sunk in the apple。 Jamie nudged me；
trying to be inconspicuous about it—pointing out that people wanted me。 He wasn’t making allowances
for mon courtesy。
“Did you save her dinner？” he asked eagerly。
“Yep；” Trudy said。 She bent down beside the oven and came back with a metal tray in her hand。 “Kept
it warm。 It’s probably nasty and tough now； but it’s better than the usual。”
On the tray was a rather large piece of red meat。 My mouth started to water； even as I rejected the
portion I’d been allotted。
“It’s too much。”
“We have to eat all the perishables the first day；” Jamie encouraged me。 “Everyone eats themselves
sick—it’s a tradition。”
“You need the protein；” Trudy added。 “We were on cave rations too long。 I’m surprised no one’s in
worse shape。”
I ate my protein while Jamie watched with hawk…like attention as each bite traveled from the tray to my
mouth。 I ate it all to please him； though it made my stomach ache to eat so much。
The kitchen started to fill up again as I was finishing。 A few had apples in their hands—all sharing with
someone else。 Curious eyes examined the sore side of my face。
“Why’s everyone ing here now？” I muttered to Jamie。 It was black outside； the dinner hour long
over。
Jamie looked at me blankly for a second。 “To hear you teach。” His tone added the wordsof course。
“Are you kidding me？”
“I told you nothing’s changed。”
I stared around the narrow room。 It wasn’t a full house。 No Doc tonight； and none of the returned
raiders； which meant no Paige； either。 No Jeb； no Ian； no Walter。 A few others missing： Travis； Carol；
Ruth Ann。 But more than I would have thought； if I’d thought anyone would consider following the
“Can we go back to the Dolphins； where we left off？” Wes asked； interrupting my evaluation of the
room。 I could see that he’d taken it upon himself to start the ball rolling； rather than that he was vitally
interested in the kinship circles of an alien planet。
Everyone looked at me expectantly。 Apparently； life was not changing as much as I’d thought。
I took a tray of rolls from Heidi’s hands and turned to shove it into the stone oven。 I started talking with
my back still turned。
“So… um… hmm… the； uh； third set of grandparents… They traditionally serve the munity； as they
see it。 On Earth； they would be the breadwinners； the ones who leave the home and bring back
sustenance。 They are farmers； for the most part。 They cultivate a plant…like growth that they milk for its
sap。…”
And life went on。
Jamie tried to talk me out of sleeping in the supply corridor； but his attempt was halfhearted。 There just
wasn’t another place for me。 Stubborn as usual； he insisted on sharing my quarters。 I imagined Jared
didn’t like that； but as I didn’t see him that night or the next day； I couldn’t verify my theory。
It was awkward again； going about my usual chores； with the six raiders home—just like when Jeb had
first forced me to join the munity。 Hostile stares； angry silences。 It was harder for them than it was for
me； though—Iwas used to it。 They； on the other hand； were entirely unaccustomed to the way everyone
else treated me。 When I was helping with the corn harvest； for example； and Lily thanked me for a fresh
basket with a smile； Andy’s eyes bulged in their sockets at the exchange。 Or when I was waiting for the
bathing pool with Trudy and Heidi； and Heidi began playing with my hair。 It was growing； always
swinging in my eyes these days； and I was planning to shear it off again。 Heidi was trying to find a style
for me； flipping the strands this way and that。 Brandt and Aaron—Aaron was the oldest man who’d gone
on the long raid； someone I couldn’t remember having seen before at all—came out and found us there；
Trudy laughing at some silly atrocity Heidi was attempting to create atop my head； and both men turned a
little green and stalked silently past us。
Of course； little things like that were nothing。 Kyle roamed the caves now； and though he was obviously
under orders to leave me in peace； his expression made it clear that this restriction was repugnant to him。
I was always with others when I crossed his path； and I wondered if that was the only reason he did
nothing more than glower at me and unconsciously curl his thick fingers into claws。 This brought back all
the panic from my first weeks here； and I might have succumbed to it—begun hiding again； avoiding the
mon areas—but something more important than Kyle’s murderous glares came to my attention that
second night。
The kitchen filled up again—I’m not sure how much was interest in my stories and how much was
interest in the chocolate bars Jeb handed out。 I declined mine； explaining to a disgruntled Jamie that I
couldn’t talk and chew at the same time； I suspected that he would save one for me； obstinate as ever。
Ian was back in his usual hot seat by the fire； and Andy was there—eyes wary—beside Paige。 None of
the other raiders； including Jared； of course； was in attendance。 Doc was not there； and I wondered if he
was still drunk or perhaps hung…over。 And again； Walter was absent。
Geoffrey； Trudy’s husband； questioned me for the first time tonight。 I was pleased； though I tried not to
show it； that he seemed to have joined the ranks of the humans who tolerated me。 But I couldn’t answer
spoke； and I didn’t recognize the voice。
“Yes； that’s true；” I agreed evenly。
“So you don’t know what they use to cure diseases； then？” Geoffrey pressed。 “What’s in their
medications？”
I shook my head。 “I’m sorry； I don’t。 It wasn’t something I was interested in； back when I had access to
the information。 I’m afraid I took it for granted。 Good health is simply a given on every planet I’ve lived
on。”
Geoffrey’s red cheeks flushed brighter than usual。 He looked down； an angry set to his mouth。 What had
I said to offend him？
Heath； sitting beside Geoffrey； patted his arm。 There was a pregnant silence in the room。
“Uh—about the Vultures…” Ian said—the words were forced； a deliberate subject change。 “I don’t
know if I missed this part sometime； but I don’t remember you ever explaining about them being
‘unkind’… ？”
It wasn’t something Ihad explained； but I was pretty sure he wasn’t really that interested—this was just
the first question he’d been able to think of。
My informal class ended earlier than usual。 The questions were slow； and most of them supplied by
Jamie and Ian。 Geoffrey’s questions had left everyone else preoccupied。
“Well； we’ve got an early one tomorrow； tearing down the stalks…” Jeb mused after yet another
awkward silence； making the words a dismissal。 People rose to their feet and stretched； talking in low
voices that weren’t casual enough。
“What did I say？” I whispered to Ian。
“Nothing。 They’ve got mortality on their minds。” He sighed。
My human brain made one of those leaps in understanding that they called intuition。
“Where’s Walter？” I demanded； still whispering。
Ian sighed again。 “He’s in the south wing。 He’s… not doing well。”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me？”
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter； processtext/abclit。html
”
I shook my head impatiently at that consideration。 “What’s wrong with him？”
Jamie was there beside me now； he took my hand。
“Some of Walter’s bones snapped； they’re so brittle；” he said in a hushed voice。 “Doc’s sure it’s
cancer—final stages； he says。”
“Walt must have been keeping quiet about the pain for a long while now；” Ian added somberly。
I winced。 “And there’s nothing to be done？ Nothing at all？”
Ian shook his head； keeping his brilliant eyes on mine。 “Not for us。 Even if we weren’t stuck here； there
would be no help for him now。 We never cured that one。”
I bit my lip against the suggestion I wanted to make。 Of course there was nothing to do for Walter。 Any
of these humans would rather die slowly and in pain than trade their mind for their body’s cure。 I could
understand that… now。
“He’s been asking for you；” Ian continued。 “Well； he says your name sometimes； it’s hard to tell what he
means—Doc’s keeping him drunk to help with the pain。”
“Doc feels real bad about using so much of the alcohol himself；” Jamie added。 “Bad timing； a