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ath his cheekbones and around his eyes。 〃You can do a search for either a name or an address。 Let's try McGee； Robert 。 。 。〃
〃I think the bills would've been in Momma's name。 Bobby's credit was pretty bad by the time we left Austin。〃
〃Okay 。 。 。 McGee； Rosena 。 。 。〃
〃How do you know my mother's name？〃
Zach looked up。 His eyes were wild； his mouth slightly open。 〃Huh？〃
〃I never told you her name。〃
〃Oh。 Well 。。。 I guess 。。。 uh 。。。 I guess I read those autopsy reports in your bag。〃
Trevor grabbed Zach's shoulder and shook it。 He felt Zach cringe a little； and the feeling was more gratifying than he wanted it to be。 〃Don't you have ANY FUCKING RESPECT FOR PRIVACY？〃
〃No。〃 Zach spread his hands helplessly。 〃I'm sorry； Trev； but I don't。 I was interested in you； and I wanted to know about you。 The information was there； so I looked。〃
〃I would have shown you…〃
〃You would now。 You wouldn't have yesterday。 And I wanted to know then。〃
〃Great。〃 Trevor shook his head。 〃Wele to the instant…gratification generation。〃
〃Guilty as charged。 You wanna look at these electric bills or not？〃
〃Did you find one？〃
〃Not yet。 Hang on 。。。 nope； nothing in either of your parents' names； or yours either。 But here's the account for the Sacred Yew。〃 Zach gave a long； low whistle of appreciation。 〃Outstanding balance of 258。50 。 。 。 let's shave off that zero； what do you say？〃
〃I don't think Kinsey would…〃
〃Too late。 25。85； that looks better。 Let's see 。。。 Buckett； Terry 。 。 。 no； he's all paid up。〃
〃I thought we weren't going to change anything！〃
〃Oh。〃 Zach looked up at Trevor； grinning like a possum。 〃I'm just raising a little hell。 You wanna see some real changes？〃
〃No！ Just find the damn house！〃
〃Okay； okay。 Don't get your panties in a knot 。 。 。 Rural Box 17； Violin Road； Missing Mile 。 。 。〃 Zach typed in the address。 〃Uh…huh 。 。 。 Service cut off 6/20/72。〃
〃So that means 。 。 。〃
〃That means the house is making its own juice。〃
The kitchen suddenly flooded with stark white light； and they instinctively clapped hands over their eyes。 Just as they peeked through their fingers and saw that no one was standing near the switch； the room was plunged back into darkness。 Then the light again； for a few searing seconds。 Then black。
〃LEAVE IT ON！〃 Trevor yelled。 〃GODDAMMIT； LEAVE IT ON！〃
The kitchen stayed dark。 Trevor shoved his chair back so hard that it fell over； crossed the room in three strides； and slapped the light switch on。
〃Leave it；〃 he said。 Zach would not have wanted to argue with that voice。
He logged off the power pany system and shut his puter down。 They'd raised enough hell for tonight。
〃Let's go back to bed；〃 he said。 What he really wanted to say was Let's get the fuck out of here。 But Trevor had been waiting to do this for twenty years； and Zach had only known him for two days。 If he wanted to be with Trevor； this was where he would have to be。 For now； anyway。
But this place won't get to keep you； he thought as he crawled back into bed with Trevor； settled his chin into the hollow of Trevor's shoulder； draped his arm across Trevor's bony rib cage。 When all this is done； you're ing with me。 That much I swear。
Chapter Sixteen
All night Trevor felt his father's eyes watching him sleep； trying to infiltrate his dreams and claim them。 Bobby's eyes were glazed like pale blue marbles； beginning to cloud over yet still touched with some last spark of awareness； some hellish half…life。 Had Bobby been trapped in there； in that body； condemned to the slow secret dissolution of the grave？ Or in the bathroom； in the peeling yellow paint and cracked porcelain； imprinted on the hot stale air； woven into the very fabric of time that had stopped there for him？
WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME？ he wanted to shriek into that dead face。 WHAT WERE YOU THINKING？ DID YOU THINK MY LIFE WOULD TURN OUT GOOD？ OR COULD YOU SEE ALL THE PAIN； AND DID YOU WISH IT ON ME ANYWAY？
He held Zach and tried to lose himself in the warmth of solid living flesh； in the small sleeping sounds and shifts of the other body that already felt familiar next to his。 But as he drifted in and out of uneasy sleep； Trevor saw again the form hanging from the shower curtain rod； the rope still turning in tiny aimless circles； stirred by some current or by the tiny movements of Bobby's cooling muscles and nerves。
He had only seen it for a few seconds； and even then it had seemed to shimmer； as if he were viewing it directly with his brain rather than using his eyes。 Nonetheless； all the details he had blocked from that long…ago morning had been driven home again。 The lividity of the hands and feet； the toes and fingertips ready to burst like purple…black grapes； slow drops of blood oozing out from under the nails。 The stark map of veins across the chest and shoulders； clearly visible through the drained skin。 The shrunken； defenseless…looking penis nearly hidden in his father's ginger mat of pubic hair。
Suddenly awake； his heart pounding painfully； Trevor clutched Zach tighter。 Zach had not seen it。 Zach was his talisman； his one thread to any possible life beyond this house。 He hadn't questioned Trevor's reasons for being here； hadn't asked to leave even after his experience in the bathroom。 He had obviously been terrified when Trevor opened the door。 Yet here he was now。 Was it because he considered the house some sort of extension of Trevor； and trusted that it would not hurt him？
If that was the case； Trevor reflected； then Zach had more faith in him than anyone else ever had。
Well； anyone since Bobby。
But how do I know it won't hurt you？ he thought； pressing his face against the back of Zach's neck in the darkness； tasting salty skin against his lips； feeling velvety hair against his eyelids。 How do I even know I won't hurt you？ Your flesh feels so good in my mouth； between my fingers； sometimes I just want to keep pulling and tearing and chewing。
He fell back asleep remembering the flavor of Zach's blood on the back of his tongue； imagining Zach's skin splitting beneath his fingers； Zach's heart still beating in his gore…slicked hands。
Then suddenly sunlight was streaming through the dirty panes of the window； trickling into the corners of his eyes。 His head ached slightly； felt somehow too heavy on his neck。 Trevor arched his back and stretched； then rolled his head on the pillow to look over at Zach。
What he saw made him suck his breath in hard and squeeze his eyes shut tight。 Zach was lying on his back； arms splayed out above his head； his face battered but serene； very pale。 In the center of his chest； just above the arc of the ribs； was a ragged raw…edged crimson hole。 Dark blood had bubbled out of it； streaking his stomach and face； drenching the sheet around him。
Trevor could not make himself look again。 Being a true artist means never averting one's eyes； he remembered Crumb writing； though he was pretty sure the quote had originated elsewhere。 But he couldn't open his eyes。 Instead； he put out a shaky hand and felt his fingers bump up against Zach's shoulder。 Slowly he ran his hand over the corrugated rise of the rib cage。 The skin was damp； nearly wet； but whether the wetness was sweat or blood Trevor could not tell。 He moved his fingers across Zach's chest； exploring it like a blind man； waiting for his fingers to sink into that raw red hole； into that soup of muscle and organ and splintered bone。
It didn't happen。 Instead he felt Zach's heart beating strong and steady beneath his hand； Zach stirring and responding to his touch； Zach whole and alive。 The relief that flooded through him was as hot as the imagined blood had been； but sweeter。
Zach woke with Trevor's hair drifting across his face； Trevor's warm wet mouth wrapped around his left nipple； Trevor's hand sliding along his thigh and over his hip； gently teasing his already half…erect dick。 Thus； he did not immediately recall what had happened in the bathroom。 When it did e to him it felt remote and unthreatening； like a half…remembered bad dream。
Trevor slid down and started sucking him； and the last of Zach's low…grade wine hangover dissolved like shreds of a caul and disappeared。 Trevor's tongue made his skin ripple and his blood quicken。 Trevor was no jaded lover like most of the others he'd had。 They knew the same things Zach did： how to satisfy themselves； how to coax universal physiological reactions from whatever body wound up in bed with them。 But Trevor was learning how to pleasure him； and Zach was figuring out what Trevor liked； and every time they woke up together they learned it all over again。 It made so much difference。
So what changed your mind； Zachary？ he heard Eddy's voice asking him； a little sad； a little reproachful。 What made you realize you might not turn into a pumpkin if you had sex more than once with somebody you actually gave a damn about？
He didn't know。 He could only look back with awe on his life of three days ago； his life that had not contained Trevor Black； and wonder how he had ever lived it。 What had the world been to him without these feelings； without this insane； brilliant； beautiful boy？ It was difficult to remember。
Now Trevor's hands were pulling at him； that deft tongue probing him relentlessly。 As he grew surer of what he was doing； Trevor was proving to be a near…invasive lover； determined to put his fingers into every fold and hollow of Zach's body； to get every available inch of Zach's flesh into his mouth； to bathe in the juices of sex and perhaps drown in them。 It was almost painful…but exquisitely so； like a cerulean wave crashing and foaming on a pure white shore； like the relief of the swollen vein as the junkie slides the needle in。
But suddenly Zach caught himself thinking of his image in the bathroom mirror before he had shattered it。 The light of fever burning in the eyes； straight through to the brain。 The emaciated face。 Those lesions。 He thought of all the fluids that had passed between him and Trevor； awash with whatever strange chemicals and subtle poisons lurked in their bodies。
Then he put the thought out of his head； as he always did such thoughts。
But this time it was harder。
In the afternoon they sat at the kitchen table together； Trevor drawing while Zach created a bank account in Raleigh just for the hell of it。 Then they ventured downtown for dollar plates of eggs and grits at the diner； which served breakfast all day in keeping with the schedules of its clientele。
Afterward； Trevor was buzzed on brutally strong diner coffee； Zach on the healing energy of a meal he could keep down。 They wandered up the street and stopped into Potter's Store to let the air…conditioning soothe their sweaty sex…soaked skin。
Zach stopped to play with an old adding machine； lost himself briefly in the sensual texture of keys beneath his fingertips； then looked up and realized he was alone。 He found Trevor in the next aisle looking at something called the Sunbeam Hygienic Cordless Toothbrush。 The box was decorated in four…pointed starbursts； the bright colors faded。 On its side were the disembodied heads of a WASP family； Mom； Dad； Sis； and Junior； all with gleaming grins … hygienic ones； presumably。 Where were those facile fifties faces now； Zach wondered； those vapid； innocent icons of post…war advertising； those manufactured American archetypes？
〃Whatever happened to those guys？〃 he asked aloud。
Trevor looked up from his intense scrutiny of the box art。 His eyes were sharp and very clear。 〃The sixties came along and bashed their little heads in。〃
Zach was still turning that one over and over in his head as they left the store。 Trevor hadn't had to think about it at all before he answered： his life had been a study in exactly what had happened to that kind of mythical family。
They continued down Firehouse Street into the rundown section of town； past papered…over windows； boarded…up doors； abandoned cars sagging on their springs。 When they reached the Sacred Yew and heard drums and a bass beat ing from the club so early in the day； they stopped in to see what was up。 It turned out to be a Gumbo sound check