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Trevor made a soft moaning sound deep in his throat。 Zach sucked harder at the tender flesh； and the scar he was kissing opened against his tongue like a torrid kiss。 The coppery taste of fresh blood spilled into his mouth。
Trevor felt a silvery stinging sensation in his arm； then another and another； then three at once； a deep bone…shivering pain。 He raised himself on his right elbow； saw the old cuts on his left arm opening； parting like little red mouths。 Zach stared up at him in confusion； then in horror as he realized Trevor was seeing the blood too。 Deep wet crimson ringed his mouth and streaked his face； shocking against the whiteness of his skin。
〃Trev？ What 。 。 。 ？〃
Trevor felt weirdly serene。 The open wounds hurt no more than they had when he'd made them。 It was； rather； a way of draining off pain。 He remembered the feeling so well now。 〃It's nearly here；〃 he said。
〃What？〃
〃Birdland。〃
Zach's pupils were enormous； guttering。 His mouth hung slightly open。 Trevor took his hands； pulled him up and held him； smearing Zach's body with blood。 He kissed Zach's sticky lips。 〃Don't be scared。〃
〃But 。 。 。 aren't you bleeding？〃
〃Only for a little while。〃
〃Trevor！ Have your stigmata； then； goddammit； but don't pull this mystical shit on me！〃 Zach pounded the mattress。 〃Don't you dare die…if you die； I swear to God I'll e after you…I'll hunt you down and haunt your damn ghost…〃
〃I'm not dying。 e here。 Hold me。〃 He wrapped his arms tighter around Zach； felt the blood flowing between them； trickling down Zach's spine。 I have to go； he thought。 You're the only thing that will bring me back。 But that would just frighten Zach worse； so he didn't say it。
He didn't know where he was going； or even how。 He knew it would be Birdland； the true Birdland that lay paradoxically far beyond the house and deep within it。 But Trevor was realizing that Birdland wasn't just the place of his past； the place in his childhood where he had found his talent； his dreams。 It was also the place where his dreams could find him； and some of them were very bad。 It was a place of scars； and of wounds that had never healed。
〃Just don't leave me here；〃 Zach murmured against his chest。
〃I promise。〃
Trevor remembered lying in bed this afternoon imagining Zach's body inextricably linked with his； remembered his fantasy of Zach's flesh flowing over him； surrounding him。 He pressed his body up against Zach's； wrapped his legs around Zach's skinny hips。 〃I want you to fuck me；〃 he said。
〃Huh？ Now？〃
〃Yes。 Now。〃
Emotions were warring in Zach's face： confusion； fear； sorrow； frustration； arousal。 Trevor felt Zach's penis growing cautiously hard against the back of his thigh。 He reached down and cupped Zach's balls； ran his hand up the silky shaft； streaking it with blood。 Zach shuddered； took a deep breath。 〃Are you sure？〃
But apparently he could see the answer in Trevor's face。 His eyes never left Trevor's as he wet his hand with saliva and rubbed it up and down his penis； then lifted Trevor's knees and spread his legs and eased in。 The sensation was not so much painful as pletely alien。 Trevor felt his asshole trying to contract； his whole body trying to tense up。 He sought Zach's mouth and sucked at his tongue。 He would have this boy inside him any and every way he could。 It was time。
Then his intestines were loosening and warming； his muscles melting in concentric rings around Zach； drawing him in deep。 He linked his hands at the small of Zach's back。 Blood ran down his arms； dripped over their bodies； began to soak into the mattress。
〃Ahhh…〃 Zach's teeth closed on Trevor's shoulder； a tiny exquisite pain。 〃You're so tight。 It almost hurts。〃
〃You can fuck me hard。 You can open me up。〃
〃Yeah？〃 Zach scrambled to his knees； put his hands on Trevor's thighs and pushed them up and back； driving in still deeper。 His face was streaked with blood； his expression poised between pain and ecstasy。 〃Like that？ Does that feel good？〃
〃Yes…but harder…〃 Trevor groped for Zach's hand； guided it to his penis。 When Zach closed his fingers around the head and began to stroke； Trevor put his hand over Zach's and squeezed brutally。
〃Trev； I don't want to hurt you…〃
〃Harder！〃 Trevor sobbed。 〃I have to get there！〃
〃WHERE； DAMMIT？〃 Zach grabbed Trevor's chin with his free hand； forced Trevor to look him in the face。 Zach's eyes were huge； wild。 〃WHAT ARE YOU MAKING ME DO TO YOU？〃
The pleasure and the drugs overloaded Trevor's synapses with towering sensation。 But he felt a vortex beginning to open in his brain。 His consciousness swirled around the edges of it； began to be drawn into it。 He drove his hips up hard against Zach； impaling himself。 The area between his asshole and his balls and the tip of his penis felt like one huge raw nerve。 Zach's heartbeat throbbed deep in his guts。 Light poured out of the vortex； sparkling； swarming。
Beyond that vortex was Birdland。 If he was ever going to be with Zach again； he had to go there now。
Trevor let himself go。
〃Trev？ Trevor？！ GODDAMMIT； TREVOR！！！〃 Zach punched the pillow beside Trevor's head。 Trevor didn't move or seem to hear。
Zach had felt Trevor's back arching； Trevor's e welling into his palm and dripping between his ringers； and he had nearly e too。 But then Trevor had stopped moaning and his eyes had gone blank and he had fallen back on the mattress。
Zach's heart lurched painfully。 He felt for Trevor's heartbeat； listened for his breathing。 Both were strong and steady。 Trevor's eyes were half…open； blinking slowly。 But they were unfocused； and did not flicker when Zach passed his hand before them or peered into them。 Zach shivered。 Trevor's eyes looked abandoned。
〃Trev？〃 he whispered。 〃Remember； you promised not to leave me。〃
No response。
〃Trevor？ 。 。 。 Please？〃 Zach pressed his mouth against Trevor's slack lips； kissed hard。 Again no response。
He didn't think Trevor was in there。 Or perhaps Trevor had gone so deep that he couldn't hear。 A word rang in Zach's mind like the tolling of a deep dissonant bell。 Catotonia。
The thought scared him so badly that he grabbed Trevor by the shoulders and shook him hard。 Trevor's head rolled bonelessly on his neck。 A silvery thread of saliva leaked from one corner of his mouth。 There was nothing in his eyes； nothing in his face。
Zach clawed at his own face； bit his fingers viciously； sobbed in frustration and dread。 Why had he ever thought it was a good idea to feed Trevor mushrooms？ Why had he thought either of them could handle such a heavy…duty mindfuck within these cursed； malicious walls？
Suddenly he remembered what Trevor had said right before passing out。 I have to get there。 Had Trevor used the shock of orgasm to detach himself from his body somehow？ Was his spirit careening around the house； unable to municate with Zach； unable to get back in？
Or； worse； was Trevor no longer here at all？ What if he went crashing into the spirit world； demanding his explanation for being alive； and Bobby decided to keep him there？ What if Bobby just wanted to finish the job he'd left undone before？ Embodied or not； Trevor was still tripping his ass off； and that made him more vulnerable than he already was。 If Trevor had gone somewhere else； Zach knew he had to follow。
But how in hell was Zach supposed to leave his body？ He was used to having orgasms； no matter how intense they were； his spirit did not separate from his flesh； did not extrude on some umbilical thread of ectoplasm； did not detach。 He had never thought about how solidly mired in his body he was until now； when he wanted to get out of it。
He concentrated furiously； tried to project himself into Trevor's brain。 He'd gotten in once； but it seemed the password had been changed。 Zach tried to imagine what the new one might be； tried to feel around the edges of Trevor's blown consciousness。 He forced himself to go limp； surrender to the drug； think about anything but projecting。 He tore at his hair and his scalp； trying to rip his own ghost out of his skull。 None of it worked。 Zach collapsed back on the mattress； hugged Trevor and sobbed into his chest。 A thin sheen of sweat had e up on Trevor's skin。 It rippled with opalescent colors and smelled faintly of coffee。
Coffee 。 。 。
Zach had a dangerous idea。
He tested Trevor's heartbeat again。 It remained even and strong。 He kissed Trevor's cheek； spoke into his ear。 〃I love you； Trev。 I'm ing to get you。 Just try not to go too far in。〃
He pushed himself up； nearly passed out himself as the blood rushed to his head； tried to let it happen but recovered。 He crossed the bedroom and edged into the hall； refused to look toward the bathroom or at the doorway into the living room； would not glance over his shoulder as he entered the kitchen。 He had never felt so unsafe in this house。
Zach opened the refrigerator； squinted into the dazzling light； took out the bag of coffee Trevor had bought。 He carried it over to the coffee maker from Potter's Store and shook a generous amount into the filter basket； then ran tapwater into the pot and poured it through。 A few seconds later the machine began to bubble and a dark； rich scent filled the kitchen。 The odor nauseated him： he knew what he was probably going to have to do。
Zach couldn't wait for the pot to fill。 As soon as a cupful had collected； he yanked it out and splashed it into a mug。 The stream of brewing coffee sizzled against the hotplate。 Zach's nerves twitched in sympathy。 He thrust the pot back in； flipped the switch off； grabbed the steaming mug； and hurried back to the bedroom。
〃Trev？ Want some joe？ C'mon 。 。 。〃 He slid a hand behind Trevor's neck and propped his head up； wafted the mug back and forth under Trevor's nose without much hope。 As he had feared； Trevor made no response。 He was gone； all right。
Zach looked into the mug。 The black surface of the coffee shimmered； as full of subtle sinister colors as an oil slick。 To Zach it looked like the surface of death。 His heart twinged； and Zach apologized to it in advance for what he was about to do。
He took a deep breath and blew on the demon joe； the drug that bore his father's name。 He said a prayer to his various gods； steadied his hand。
Then he raised the mug to his lips and drank the bitter brew straight down。
Chapter Twenty One
Trevor felt himself rising through the syrupy air of the room； through the ceiling and the roof； out into the night。 The sky arched above him like a great black bowl pricked with diamonds。 He saw the kudzu swarming over the roof； the sturdy little car parked behind the house； the willow tree in the yard where he and Zach had talked that first day； fronds wavering in the terrible razor…edged moonlight。 He was rising and rising。 He could see the streets of Missing Mile in the distance； dark and still。 The house was far below him now； a toy rectangle he could almost forget。
This isn't where I'm supposed to be； he realized。 Got to get back to Birdland 。 。 。
All at once it was like a film being run in reverse and speeded up； he was falling in a dizzy spiral back toward the roof； through the sucking vines； back through the ceiling and into the rooms and melting down the walls and crackling through the power lines and dripping from the faucets and disappearing down the drains； into the broken fragments of the mirror 。 。 。
He was there。
The thought filled him with a cold excitement that was almost fear。 Whatever； wherever Birdland was； he was there now。
The sensations of his body returned。 He opened his eyes and found himself standing on a street corner in a city he could not name。 It was like a posite of every city he had ever been in； the run…down sections and shady neighborhoods： ashen buildings squirming with illegible graffiti； broken and boarded windows； ragged posters stapled to telephone poles； peeling from brick walls。 The few splashes of color in the landscape seemed somehow wrong。
The sidewalk and the street were empty。 Though the slice of sky above him was an unhealthy purplish color that reflected back the city's light and masked any moon or stars； it seemed very late at night