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Buford ran out of the cockhouse as I entered the yard； a big white smile shining in the middle of his ebony face。
〃Mr。 Frank；〃 he said happily； taking my bag； 〃I sure is happy to see you！ My curiosity's been drivin' me near crazy for two days。 Just wait tifi you see them big packages I put in the house！〃
I entered the shack； followed closely by Buford； and the first thing I did was reach behind the dresser for my pint of gin。 As I had suspected； the bottle contained less than two ounces； and it had been almost half full when Omar had picked me up three days before。 I looked sternly at Buford； but he was pointing innocently to the two large cardboard boxes on my bed。
〃I don' know what they is； Mr。 Frank；〃 he said quickly。 〃The man from the express brought 'em out day before yesterday； and I signed your name。 What do you reckon's in there？〃
I finished the gin； and handed the empty to Buford。 Buford had had his share while I was gone…the man had an unerring instinct for discovering where I hid my bottle。 He thought that finding my bottle was some kind of a game。
I took out my knife and slit open the two cardboard boxes。 One box contained a speaker； and the long box held an electric guitar。 But what a guitar！ The instrument was fashioned out of some kind of light metal； painted a bright lemon yellow and trimmed in Chinese red。 On the box； above the strings； there were two sets of initials； encircled by an outline of a heart。
If I thought I had made the grand gesture when I sent Bernice a dozen yellow roses； she had certainly topped me。 The electric guitar and its matching yellow amplifying speaker must have set her back four or five hundred dol lars。 I searched through the excelsior in both cartons for a note of some kind； but there wasn't even a receipt for the instrument。 The initials inside the heart contained her message。
Buford looked admiringly at the guitar； shaking his head with feigned amazement。 As soon as I looked at him he laughed the professional laugh of the American Negro。
〃Whooee！〃 he exploded with false amusement。 〃You got yourself a guitar now for sure； Mr。 Frank！〃
I pointed to the door。 Out in the yard I gave Buford a tendollar bill in payment for looking after the place for three days。 Buford had his own farm； a wife and four children； but he spent more time with me than he did with his family。 When I happened to think about it； I'd slip him a five or a ten； but I didn't keep him on a regular salary because I didn't need him around in the first place。 He knew as much about the raising and handling of gamecocks as any Negro in the United States； if not more。 Unfortunately； because of his color； he was barred from almost every white cockpit in the South。。 He would have been an invaluable assistant for me on my trips to circuit cockpits； but I couldn't take him along。 However； he helped me out around the place； handled opposing cocks in my own training pit and made himself fairly useful during conditioning periods。 He loved game…cocks。 That much I knew about him。 And I believe he would have sacrificed an arm or a leg for the opportunity to fight them。 Because I knew this much about the man； I was well aware that his rich and easy laughter was insincere。
What in the hell did Buford have to laugh about？
〃I fixed up all them sun coops the way you showed me； Mr。 Frank；〃 Buford said。 〃And I put some new slats in the cockhouse stalls。 But they ain't much else to do； so I won't be back around till Saturday。〃
I nodded； and Buford climbed into his car。
〃Whooee！〃 he laughed through his nose。 〃You got you a git…fiddle now； sure enough！ Wifi you play some for me e Saturday？〃
Again I nodded。 As Buford made a U…turn onto the gravel road toward the highway； I entered the shack。
The wonderful and unexpected gift had made my heart sing with delight； although I had controlled my inner excitement from Buford。 As soon as he was gone； I connected the various electrical cords； following the directions in the illustrated instruction booklet。 I plugged the cord into the wall outlet and tuned the strings。 The full tones； amplified by the speaker set at full volume； reverberated in the small room and added a new dimension to my playing。 After experimenting with several chords； banging them hard and listening to them echo metallically against the iron ceiling； I tried a song。
Halfway through the song I stopped playing and placed the guitar gently on the floor。 Unconsciously； I had played 〃Georgia Girl〃 first。 The rich amplified tones brought suppressed visions of Mary Elizabeth flooding into my mind； and I dropped the plastic pick。
In the sharp silence； following so closely on the sound of the echoing song； I pictured Mary Elizabeth in my mind； stifi in the same position where I had left her at The Place。 She sat quietly； feet below the surface of the pool； and with dancing dappled sunlight reflecting on her pale nude body。 Her blue…green eyes looked at me reproachfully； and her ordinarily full lips were set in a tight grim line。
To make her disappear I shook my head。
This was a recurrent vision of Mary Elizabeth。 Whenever I happened to think of the woman； a guilty； sinking feeling acpanied the thought。 She was always nude； always at The Place。 I never thought of her as fully clothed…that was a Mary Elizabeth I didn't want to think about…the spinsterish； school…teacherish； Methodist kind； with a reproving expression on her face。 As a rule； when I hadn't seen Mary Elizabeth for several months； her features became indistinct； except for her hurt blue？ green？ eyes。 But her body was always as clear in my mind as a Kodachrome color print。 I remembered every anatomical detail； the way her right shoulder dipped a quarter of an inch lower than her left； the round； three…eyed shape of her button navel； and every golden pubic hair。
I loved her and I had always loved her and I always would love her； and the dark guilty shadows erased her pink…and…white body from my mind。 No man had ever treated a woman any shabbier than I had Mary Elizabeth！
Suppose； I thought blackly； she just says the hell with you； Frank Mansfield； and marries a nice stay…at…home Georgia boy。 。 。 a bloated bastard like Ducky Winters； for instance； the manager of the Purina Feed Store？ Why not？ He's single and over thirty。 What if his bald head does look like a freshly washed peach and the roll of fat around his waistline resembles a rubber inner tube half filled with water？ He's got a good job； and he's a member of the Board of Stewards of the Methodist church 。 。 。 well； isn't he？ His mother can't live forever； and he did pinch Mary Elizabeth on the ass at the box social that time。 。 。 remember？ You wanted to take him outside； but Mary Elizabeth wouldn't let you。
How many good prospects does she have？ Ducky Winters； no matter what you may think； is one of the better prospects。 Suppose she marries one of those red…necked woolhat cronies of her brother's？ Wright doesn't want her to get married； but he would approve of some farmer who would keep her close to home； just so he would be assured of seeing her every day。 What if she married Virgil Dietch； whose farm is only three miles down the road？ Virgil's only forty； a widower with two half…grown boys； and he'd be damned happy to marry a woman like Mary Elizabeth。 With his growling German accent…despite three generations in Georgia…and his lower lip packed chock…full of Copenhagen snuff； she wouldn't be able to understand half of what he said； but Wright liked Virgil and ran around with him。 And Wright wouldn't object to a marriage between them。
For more than an hour I tortured myself； mulling over the list of eligible suitors in the county Mary Elizabeth could marry if she wanted to spite me。 There weren't many left。 Most of the men in rural Georgia get married young； and divorces are rare。 The remaining eligibles were a sorry lot； especially when I considered the widowers who had worked their wives into an early grave。
It was exquisite torture to consider these ignorant woolhatters who shaved only on Saturday； who wore a single suit of long johns from October 15th to May 15th； and who didn't take a bath until the Fourth of July。 And yet； as far as husbands were concerned； every one of these men would make a better husband than I would。 As a woman； she was entitled to a home and children and a husband who stayed with her at all times。
I had provided Mary Elizabeth with eight years of nothing。 A quickly scrawled line on the back of a picture postcard； and on one of my rare； unscheduled visits； a quick jump in a woodland glen。 To make matters worse； I hadn't even talked to her on my last two visits。 But I had never been able to talk to her anyway。 She had consistently resisted every explanation I had tried to give her concerning my way of life and had never consented to share it with me。 Perhaps I could write her a letter； a really good letter this time； a letter that would make her think？
This year was going to be my year。 I could sense it； and my new partnership with Omar was the turning point in my run of ill fortune。 I knew this。 My prospects had been as good before； but they had never been any better。 I couldn't continue through life silent and alone； and I couldn't keep Mary Elizabeth dangling on a thread…the thread would break； and both of us would be lost。 If there was to be a break； it would have to be now…Her way or My way…and she could make the choice！
I sat down at the table to write Mary Elizabeth a letter：
Dearest Darling；
I love you！ How inadequate are written words to tell you of my feelings！ To be with you and yet to be unable to speak； to tell you again and again that I love you is unbearable。 To leave without saying good…bye； as I did； hurt me more than you can ever know。 And yet； I had to leave silently； like a thief in the night。 If I had written you a note with a bare 〃Good…bye；〃 you would have rightfully demanded an explanation I couldn't give because I couldn't speak！ But an explanation is due； my… Love； and on the blankness of this page 1 shall attempt the impossible。 Never； never doubt my love！
First； I was home to obtain my rightfully owned property。 You know this now； of course； because your brother bought my farmhouse and land from me。 What you don't know is that Judge Powell was instructed to sell only to Wright。 Whether 1 was right or wrong in turning Randall out of his home depends upon how you want to look at it。 In the Holy Bible the eldest son gets the inheritance of his father； as you know。 In the eyes of the Lord； and I recognize no other Master； I was right。 But even so； I only sold my land because I had to。
For ten years my goal has been to be the best cockfighter in the United States。 Several； not many； times I've tried to explain cockfighting and my ambitions to you； but you have never listened。 Read this； now； and then decide。 Our future happiness； yours and mine； depends upon your decision。 Closing your ears to all rational argument； you have always said that cockfighting was cruel and therefore wrong。 But you have never SEEN a cockfight； and you said that you never intended to。 At last I say you must！
The only way that you can find out that cockfighting is not a cruel sport is to see for yourself。 I am now engaged in my very last try to reach the top。 To continue fighting year after year without success is no longer possible。 If I don't win the two…day Milled geville Tourney this year； I promise you that I'll quit forever！ We will be married immediately； and I'll enter any profession or endeavor YOU decide upon！
However； if I do win； and I want you physically present at the Milledgeville pit； win or lose； I intend to follow cockfighting as a full…time profession for the rest of my natural life。 If you can accept this way of life； we will get married immediately and go to Puerto Rico on our honeymoon。
The remaining alternative； of course； is to tear this letter to bits and put me out of your mind and life forever。 If this latter course is your decision； I'll abide by it； and I'll never； I promise； write or see you again； but my heart will be pletely broken！
Don't write and tell me what your decision is。 If you do write； I w