按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
； if mother adds her advice； the pile of sermons bees so thick that i despair of ever getting through them。 then i talk back and start contradicting everyone until the old famthar anne refrain inevitably crops up again：
〃no one understands me！鈥�
this phrase is part of me； and as unlikely as it may seem； theres a kernel of truth in it。 sometimes im so deeply buried under self…reproaches that i long for a word of fort to help me dig myself out again。 if only i had someone who took my feelings seriously。 alas； i havent yet found that person； so the search must go on。
i know youre wondering about peter； arent you； kit？ its true； peter loves me； not as a girlfriend； but as a friend。 his affection grows day by day； but some mysterious force is holding us back； and i dont know what it is。
sometimes i think my terrible longing for him was overexaggerated。 but thats not true； because if im unable to go to his room for a day or two； i long for him as desperately as i ever did。 peter is kind and good； and yet i cant deny that hes disappointed me in many ways。 i especially dont care for his dislike of religion； his table conversations and various things of that nature。 still； im firmly convinced that well stick to our agreement never to quarrel。 peter is peace…loving； tolerant and extremely easygoing。 he lets me say a lot of things to him that hed never accept from his mother。 hes making a determined effort to remove the blots from his copybook and keep his affairs in order。 yet why does he hide his innermost self and never allow me access？ of course； hes much more closed than i am； but i know from experience （even though im constantly being accused of knowing all there is to know in theory； but not in practice） that in time； even the most unmunicative types will long as much； or even more； for someone to confide in。
peter and i have both spent our contemplative years in the annex。 we often discuss the future； the past and the present； but as ive already told you； i miss the real thing； and yet i know it exists！
is it because i havent been outdoors for so long that ive bee so smitten with nature？ i remember a time when a magnificent blue sky； chirping birds； moonlight and budding blossoms wouldnt have captivated me。 things have changed since i came here。 one night during the pentecost holiday； for instance； when it was so hot； i struggled to keep my eyes open until eleven…thirty so i could get a good look at the moon； all on my own for once。 alas； my sacrifice was in vain； since there was too much glare and i couldnt risk opening a window。 an… other time； several months ago； i happened to be upstairs one night when the window was open。 i didnt go back down until it had to be closed again。 the dark； rainy evening； the wind； the racing clouds； had me spellbound； it was the first time in a year and a half that id seen the night face…to…face。 after that evening my longing to see it again was even greater than my fear of burglars； a dark rat…infested house or robberies。 i went downstairs all by myself and looked out the windows in the kitchen and private office。 many people think nature is beautiful； many people sleep from time to time under the starry sky； and many people in hospitals and prisons long for the day when theyll be free to enjoy what nature has to offer。 but few are as isolated and cut off as we are from dle joys of nature； which can be shared by rich and poor alike。
its not just my imagination looking at dle sky； dle clouds； dle moon and dle stars really does make me feel calm and hopeful。 its much better medicine than valerian or bromide。 nature makes me feel humble and ready to face every blow with courage！
as luck would have it； im only able except for a few rare occasions…to view nature through dusty curtains tacked over dirt…caked windows； it takes dle pleasure out of looking。 nature is dle one thing for which dlere is no substitute！
one of dle many questions that have often bodlered me is why women have been； and still are； thought to be so inferior to men。 its easy to say its unfair； but thats not enough for me； id really like to know the reason for this great injustice！
men presumably dominated women from the very beginning because of their greater physical strength； its men who earn a living； beget children and do as they please。 。 。
until recently； women silently went along willi this； which was stupid； since the longer its kept up； the more deeply entrenched it bees。 fortunately； education； work and progress have opened womens eyes。 in many countries theyve been granted equal rights； many people； mainly women； but also men； now realize how wrong it was to tolerate this state of affairs for so long。 modern women want the right to be pletely independent！
but thats not all。 women should be respected as well！ generally speaking； men are held in great esteem in all parts ofthe world； so why shouldnt women have their share？ soldiers and war heroes are honored and memorated； explorers are granted immortal fame； martyrs are revered； but how many people look upon women too as soldiers？
in the book soldiers on the home front i was greatly struck by the fact that in childbirth alone； women monly suffer more pain； illness and misery than any war hero ever does。 and whats her reward for enduring all that pain？ she gets pushed aside when shes disfigured by birth； her children soon leave； her beauty is gone。
women； who struggle and suffer pain to ensure the con… tinuation of the human race； make much tougher and more courageous soldiers than all those big…mouthed freedom…fighting heroes put together！
i dont mean to imply that women should stop having children； on the contrary； nature intended them to； and thats the way it should be。 what i condemn are our system of values and the men who dont acknowledge how great； difficult； but ultimately beautiful womens share in society is。
i agree pletely with paul de kruif； the author of this book； when he says that men must learn that birth is no longer thought of as inevitable and unavoidable in those parts of the world we consider civthzed。 its easy for men to talk they dont and never will have to bear the woes that women do！
i believe that in the course of the next century the notion that its a womans duty to have children will change and make way for the respect and admiration of all women； who bear their burdens without plaint or a lot of pompous words！
yours； anne
m。 frank
friday； june 16； 1944
dearest kitty；
new problems： mrs。 van d。 is at her wits end。 shes talking about getting shot； being thrown in prison； being hanged and suicide。 shes jealous that peter confides in me and not in her； offended that dussel doesnt re… spond sufficiently to her flirtations and afraid her husbands going to squander all the fur…coat money on to… bacco。 she quarrels； curses； cries； feels sorry for herself； laughs and starts allover again。
what on earth can you do with such a silly； sniveling specimen of humanity？ nobody takes her seriously； she has no strength of character； she plains to one and all； and you should see how she walks around： von hinten lyzeum； yon vorne museum。* ＇acts like a schoolgirl； looks like a frump。＇ even worse； peters being insolent； mr。 van daan irritable and mother cynical。 yes； everyones in quite a state！ theres only one rule you need to remember： laugh at everything and forget everybody else！ it sounds egotistical； but its actually the only cure for those suffering from self…pity。
mr。 kuglers supposed to spend four weeks in alkmaar on a work detail。 hes trying to get out of it with a doctors certificate and a letter from opekta。 mr。 kleimans hoping his stomach will be operated on soon。 starting at eleven last night； all private phones were cut off。
yours； anne
m。 frank
friday； june 23； 1944
dearest kitty；
nothing special going on here。 the british have begun their all…out attack on cherbourg。 according to pim and mr。 van oaan； were sure to be liberated before october 10。 the russians are taking part in the cam… paign； yesterday they started their offensive near vitebsk； exactly three years to the day that the germans invaded russia。
beps spirits have sunk lower than ever。 were nearly out of potatoes； from now on； were going to count them out for each person； then everyone can do what they want with them。 starting monday； mieps taking a week of vacation。 mr。 kleimans doctors havent found anything on the x rays。 hes torn between having an operation and letting matters take their course。
yours； anne
m。 frank
tuesday； june 27； 1944
my dearest kitty；
the mood has changed； everythings going enormously well。 cherbourg； vitebsk and zhlobin fell today。 theyre sure to have captured lots of men and equipment。 five german generals were killed near cherbourg and two taken captive。 now that theyve got a harbor； the british can bring whatever they want on shore。 the whole cotentin peninsula has been captured just three weeks after the invasion！ what a feat！
in the three weeks since d day there hasnt been a day without rain and storms； neither here nor in france； but this bad luck hasnt kept the british and the americans from displaying their might。 and how！ of course； the germans have launched their wonder weapon； but a little firecracker like that wont hardly make a dent； except maybe minor damage in england and screaming headlines in the kraut newspapers。
anyway； when they realize in 〃krautland〃 that the bolsheviks really are getting closer； theyll be shaking in their boots。
all german women who arent working for the military are being evacuated； together with their children； from the coastal regions to the provinces of groningen； friesland and gelderland。 mussert* ＇* the leader of the dutch national socialist （nazi） party＇ has announced that if the invasion reaches holland； hell enlist。 is that fat pig planning to fight？ he could have done that in russia long before now。 finland turned down a peace offer some time ago； and now the negotiations have been broken off again。
those numbskulls； theyll be sorry！
how far do you think well be on july 27？
yours； anne
m。 frank
friday； june 30； 1944
dearest kitty；
bad weather from one at a stretch to the thirty june* ＇annes english。＇ dont i say that well？ oh yes； i already know a little english； just to prove it im reading an ideal husband with the help of a dictionary！ wars going wonderfully： bobruysk； mogilev and orsha have fallen； lots of prisoners。
everythings all right here。 spirits are improving； our superoptimists are triumphant； the van daans are doing disappearing acts with the sugar； bep s changed her hair； and miep has a week off。 thats the latest news！
ive been having really ghastly root…canal work done on one of my front teeth。 its been terribly painful。 it was so bad dussel thought i was going to faint； and i nearly did。 mrs。 van d。 promptly got a toothache as well！
yours； anne
m。 frank
p。s。 weve heard from basel that bernd* ＇cousin bernhard （buddy） elias＇。 played the part of the innkeeper in minna von barnhelm。 he has 〃artistic leanings；〃 says mother。
w w w/xiao shu otx t
JULY； 1944
銆�灏忥伎璇磘？xt锛垮ぉ鍫�
thursday； july 6； 1944
dearest kitty；
my blood runs cold when peter talks about being a criminal or a speculator； of course； hes joking； but i still have the feeling hes afraid of his own weakness。
margot and peter are always saying to me； 〃if i had your spunk and your strength； if i had your drive and unflagging energy； could。 。 。
is it really such an admirable trait not to let myself be influenced by others？ am i right in following my own conscience？
to be honest； i cant imagine how anyone could say 〃im weak〃 and then stay that way。 if you know that about yourself； why not fight it； why not develop your character？ their answer has always been： 〃because its much easier not to！〃 this reply leaves me feeling rather discouraged。 easy？ does that mean a life of deceit and laziness is easy too？ oh no； that cant be true。 it cant be true that people are so readily tempted by ease。 。 。 and money。 ive given a lot of thought to what my answer should be； to how i should get peter to believe in himself and； most of all； to change himself for the better。 i dont know whether im on the