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to go to her right away。”
“Andy； she’s fine。 She was arrested。” He said it quietly； as if he
were breaking the news to a parent that their child wasn’t going to
pass fourth grade。
“Arrested？ She was arrested？” I tried to stay calm； but I realized
too late that I was screaming。 My dad walked in； pulling a giant
cart that looked ready to topple under the weight of unevenly
stacked boxes。
“Who was arrested？” he asked off…handedly。 “Mr。 Fisher brought all
this stuff up for us。”
I was racking my brain for a lie； but Alex stepped in before I could
think of anything remotely plausible。 “Oh； I was just telling Andy
that I saw on VH…1 last night that one of the girls from TLC was
arrested on drug charges。 And she always seemed like one of the
straighter ones 。 。 。”
My dad shook his head and surveyed the room； only half listening and
probably wondering when exactly Alex or myself had bee so
interested in female pop stars that we actually discussed it。 “I’m
thinking that the only real place your bed can go is with the head
against the far wall；” he said。 “Speaking of which； I better go see
how they’re doing。”
I literally flung my body in front of Alex the minute the apartment
door closed。
“Quickly！ Tell me what happened。 What happened？”
“Andy； you’re shrieking。 It’s not so bad。 Actually； it’s kind of
funny。” His eyes crinkled as he laughed； and for a brief second he
looked just like Eduardo。 Ew。
“Alex Fineman； you better fucking tell me right now what happened
with my best friend—”
“OK； OK； relax。” He was clearly enjoying this。 “She was out with
some guy last night that she referred to as Tongue Ring Boy—do we
know who that is？”
I stared at him。
“Anyway； they went out for dinner and Tongue Ring Boy was walking
her Home； and she thought it’d be fun to flash him； right there on
the street outside the restaurant。 ‘Sexy；’ she said。 To get him
interested。”
I envisioned Lily unwrapping a dinner mint and strolling outside
after a romantic meal； only to pull away and yank up her shirt for a
guy who’d paid to have someone ram a post through his tongue。 Jesus。
“Oh no。 She didn’t 。 。 。”
Alex nodded somberly； trying not to laugh。
“You’re telling me my friend got arrested for showing her breasts？
That’s ridiculous。 This is New York。 I see women every day who are
practically topless—and that’s in the workplace！” I was shrieking
again； but I couldn’t help it。
“Her bottom。” He was looking at his shoes again； and his face was so
red； I couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or hysterical。
“Her what？”
“Not her breasts。 Her bottom。 Her lower half。 Like； all of it。 Front
and back。” An ear…to…ear grin had finally broken out； and he looked
so delighted that I thought he might wet himself。
“Oh； say it isn’t true；” I moaned； wondering what my friend had
gotten herself into now。 “And a cop saw her and arrested her？”
“No； evidently two little kids saw her do it and pointed it out to
their mother 。 。 。”
“Oh； god。”
“So； the mother asked her to pull her pants back up； and Lily loudly
told her what she could do with her opinions； and the woman went and
found a cop standing on the next street over。”
“Oh； stop。 Oh； please； just stop。”
“It gets better。 By the time the woman and the cop came back； Lily
and Tongue Ring Boy were going at it on the street； pretty hot and
heavy from what she said。”
“Who is this？ This is my friend Lily Goodwin？ My sweet； adorable
best friend from eighth grade now gets naked and hooks up on street
corners？ With guys who have tongue rings？”
“Andy； calm down。 Really； she’s fine。 The only reason the cop
actually arrested her was because she gave him the finger when he
asked if she had； in fact； pulled her pants down 。 。 。”
“Oh； my god。 I can’t take it anymore。 This is what it must feel like
to be a mother。”
“。 。 。 but they let her go with just a warning； and she’s going back
to her apartment to recover—sounds like she was pretty drunk。 I
mean； why else would someone flip off a police officer？ So don’t
worry。 Let’s get you moved in and then we can go see her if you
want。” He headed toward the cart my dad had left in the middle of
the living room and started unloading boxes。
I couldn’t wait until later； I had to see what had happened。 She
picked up on the fourth ring； right before it clicked into voice
mail； as if she’d been debating whether or not to answer it。
“Are you OK？” I asked her the second I heard her voice。
“Hey； Andy。 Hope I’m not screwing up the move at all。 You don’t need
me； right？ Sorry about all this。”
“No； I don’t care about that； I care about you。 Are you OK？” It had
just occurred to me that Lily may have spent the night at the police
station； considering that it was early Saturday morning and she was
just leaving。 “Did you stay overnight？ Injail？ ”
“Well； yeah； I guess you could say that。 It wasn’t so bad； nothing
like TV or anything。 I just slept in this room with one other
totally harmless girl who was in for something just as stupid。 The
guards were totally cool—it really wasn’t a big deal。 No bars or
anything。” She laughed； but it sounded hollow。
I digested this for a moment； tried to reconcile the image of sweet
little hippie Lily getting cornered in a urine…flooded cell by an
extremely angry and possessive lesbian。 “Where the hell was Tongue
Ring Boy through all of this？ Did he just leave you to rot in jail？”
But before she could answer； it occurred to me： Where the hell was I
through all of this？ Why hadn’t Lily called me？
“He was actually really great； he—”
“Lily； why—”
“。 。 。 offered to stay with me and even called his parents’ lawyer—”
“Lily。 Lily！ Stop for a second。 Why didn’t you call me？ You know I
would’ve been there in a second and not left until they’d let you
go。 So why？ Why didn’t you call me？”
“Oh； Andy； it doesn’t matter anymore。 It really wasn’t that bad； I
swear。 I can’t believe how stupid I was； and trust me； I’m over
getting that drunk。 It’s just not worth it。”
“Why？ Why didn’t you call？ I was Home all night。”
“It’s not important； really。 I didn’t call because I figured you
were either working or really； really tired； and I didn’t want to
bother you。 Especially on a Friday night。”
I thought back to what I’d been doing the night before and the only
thing that stuck clearly in my mind was watchingDirty Dancing on TNT
for exactly the sixty…eighth time in my life。 And out of all those
times； that had been the first that I’d fallen asleep before Johnny
announced； “No one puts Baby in the corner；” and proceeded to； quite
literally； lift her off her feet； until Dr。 Houseman admits that he
knows Johnny wasn’t the one who got Penny in trouble； and claps him
on the back and kisses Baby； who has recently reclaimed the name
Frances。 I considered the whole scene a defining factor in my
identity。
“Working？ You thought I was working？ And what does too tired have to
do with it when you need help？ Lil； I don’t get it。”
“Look； Andy； let’s drop it； OK？ You work constantly。 Day and night；
and lots of times on weekends。 And when you’re not working； you’re
plaining about work。 Not that I don’t understand； because I know
how tough your job is； and I know you work for a lunatic。 But I
wasn’t going to be the one to interrupt a Friday night when you
might actually be relaxing or hanging out with Alex。 I mean； he says
he never sees you； and I didn’t want to take that away from him。 If
I’d really needed you； I would’ve called； and I know you would’ve
e running。 But I swear； it wasn’t so bad。 Please； can we forget
it？ I’m exhausted and I really need a shower and my own bed。”
I was so stunned I couldn’t speak； but Lily took my silence for
acquiescence。
“You there？” she asked after nearly thirty seconds； during which I
was desperately trying to find the words to apologize or explain or
something。 “Listen； I just got Home。 I need sleep。 Can I call you
later？”
“Um； uh； sure；” I managed。 “Lil； I’m so sorry。 If I’ve ever given
you the impression that you can’t—”
“Andy； don’t。 Nothing’s wrong—I’m fine； we’re fine。 Let’s just talk
later。”
“OK。 Sleep well。 Call me if I can do anything 。 。 。”
“Will do。 Oh； how’s the new place； by the way？”
“It’s great； Lil； it really is。 You did a fantastic job with it。
It’s better than I’d ever imagined。 We’re going to love it here。” My
voice sounded empty to my own ears； and it was obvious I was talking
just for the sake of it； keeping her on the phone to make sure our
friendship hadn’t changed in some inexplicable but permanent way。
“Great。 I’m so glad you like it。 Hopefully Tongue Ring Boy will like
it； too；” she joked； although that； too； sounded hollow。
We hung up and I stood in the living room； staring at the phone
until my mom walked in to announce that they were going to take Alex
and me out for lunch。
“What’s wrong； Andy？ And where’s Lily？ I figured she’d need some
help with her stuff； too； but we’re not going to stick around much
after three。 Is she on her way？”
“No； she’s； uh； she got sick last night。 It’s been ing on for a
few days； I guess； so she probably won’t move in until tomorrow。
That was just her on the phone。”
“Well； you’re sure she’s all right？ Do you think we should go over
there？ I always feel so badly for that girl—no real parents； just
that cranky old bat of a grandmother。” She put her hand on my
shoulder； as if to drive Home the pain。 “She’s lucky she’s got you
for a friend。 Otherwise she’d be all alone in the world。”
My voice caught in my throat； but after a few seconds I managed a
few words。 “Yeah； I guess so。 But she’s fine； she really is。 Just
going to sleep it off。 Let’s get sandwiches； OK？ The doorman said
there’s a great deli four blocks down。”
“Miranda Priestly’s office；” I answered in my now usual bored tone
that I hoped conveyed my misery to whoever was daring to interrupt
my e…mailing time。
“Hi； is that Em…Em…Em…Emily？” asked a lisping； stuttering voice on
the other end。
“No； it’s Andrea。 I’m Miranda’s new assistant；” I said； even though
I’d already introduced myself to a thousand curious callers。
“Ah； Miranda’s new assistant；” the strange female voice roared。
“Aren’t you the luckiest girl in the w…w…w…world！ How are you
finding your tenure with supreme evil thus far？”
I perked up。 This was new。 In all the days I’d worked atRunway； I’d
never met a single person who dared to badmouth Miranda so boldly。
Was she serious？ Could she be baiting me？
“Um； well； working atRunway has been a really great learning
experience；” I heard myself stutter。 “It’s a job a million girls
would die for； of course。” Did I just say that？
There was a moment of silence； followed by a hyena…like howl。 “Oh；
that’s just f…f…f…fucking perfect！” she screeched； doing some sort
of simultaneous laugh…choke。 “Does she lock you in your West Village
studio apartment and deprive you of all things G…g…g…gucci until
you’re brainwashed enough to actually say shit like that？
F…f…f…fantastic！ That woman is really a piece of work！ Well； Miss
Learning Experience； I’d heard through the grapevine